


Of Lies And Confessions

by baeconandeggs, bucheonsbabe



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, Bae2019, Character in Denial, Drama, Fluff, Fuck Friends, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mentions of a minor character who died in the past (not someone from EXO, Minor mentions of a few kinks (consensual slut shaming and whore calling/slight power play/praising), Panic Attacks, Secret Relationships, Warnings for mentions and depiction of panic attacks, don't worry), graphic smut, warning for homophobic slurs, warnings for homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:18:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucheonsbabe/pseuds/bucheonsbabe
Summary: Chanyeol and Baekhyun, despite being in two different cliques, are roomed together in a strict all-boys boarding school. Their secret is heavy, their love harder.





	Of Lies And Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE187  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>   
> 
> **Author's Note:** Wow. This has been one hell of a ride and I can't believe it's done already. This fic has been my baby and all I've been focusing on for a long time and seeing the final product like this, ready to be published, makes me nervous, but the good kind of nervous.
> 
> To my prompter, I hope I didn't disappoint you too much with what I made with your prompt and I hope that this is close to what you wanted and if it isn't, I hope you can still enjoy what I created. 
> 
> To R, my beta reader and the one who helped me pull through everything, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I was very demanding, often nervous about everything, changed ideas a lot and took lots of time, but for putting up with me through all those 6 months, I want to give you a big hug and all the love I have. Also, thank you M, A, M, L and M for all your help and support(so many of you have names starting with M)!
> 
> To the BAE mods who have been so very kind, patient and helpful, thank you so much for all you did!
> 
> And last but not least, to everyone who's going to read the story, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

“Fuck- _fuck please harder_ -“

  


Baekhyun doesn’t have a mind to look down to see what Chanyeol is doing to him- _inside him_ and whether it’s out of shyness or non-willingness, Baekhyun doesn’t know. Chanyeol is all the way inside, flushed skin against skin, has his dick in Baekhyun’s asshole up until his balls and Baekhyun still doesn’t have the heart to look down.

 

_Why?_

  


Looking means he’d see exactly what they’re doing, where his moans are coming from- looking down would mean acknowledging what they’re doing together, recognising the intimacy they are in and most of all, admitting Baekhyun is having the _fucking time of his life._

 

“ _Here?_ ”

  


Gripping the headboard, Baekhyun offers an affirmative answer, with one arm around Chanyeol’s neck and the other gripping the headboard, straddling the taller man’s naked lap in nothing but an oversized shirt draping over his lower regions in a mere attempt to hide what Chanyeol already has hands on- what Chanyeol is already touching, what Chanyeol penetrated with _no shame_.

 

“Yes- _yeah here-“_

 

Chanyeol does as promised and pounds inside Baekhyun, dick hitting as deep as Baekhyun’s insides allow him, stretched as far as he can to accommodate the penetration and heavy length inside him.

 

In all truth, Chanyeol fucks like a lover, a passionate and heated one, the one that makes Baekhyun believe he’s not going to use him as just a quick hole to fuck to then leave him alone passed out, dirty in his own cum, tired and cold. If anything, the way Chanyeol holds around his waist with care although harsh enough to have it hurt tells Baekhyun everything he needs to know.

 

The way Chanyeol reaches up to grab his face and plants his own lips against Baekhyun’s, licking softly to ask him to open up, then licking inside his mouth- on his tongue, the inside of his cheek, biting Baekhyun’s lips in a mere attempt to hear him whine, sucking one lip inside his mouth.

 

Chanyeol fucks with passion, that is without a doubt. He also fucks with care and knowledge- knows how to hold Baekhyun, knows to give Baekhyun a great fucking time every single time they’re naked together. And thankfully for Baekhyun, that seems to happen not just a little, but a _fucking lot_.

 

“Come on, spread a little more. Let me see you, sweetheart.”

 

Baekhyun complies, linking both hands behind Chanyeol’s neck to move his legs, feeling the movement slowly inch up and down Chanyeol’s length inside him.

 

“Feels good?” Chanyeol drops a kiss on the side of Baekhyun’s neck, softly sucking.

 

“Yeah- _fucking good_.”

 

Arms weak and body giving up, Baekhyun lets his entire weight fall back on Chanyeol- lets his head take shelter in Chanyeol’s neck, lets his bottom fall completely back on Chanyeol’s naked lap, his clothed chest against the taller’s naked one and breathes.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Wanna stop? We can stop if you’re tired or sore.”

 

Baekhyun stops to think; he’s tired _and_ in pain. He had classes in the morning and one in the afternoon, came back to the dormitory only to take a shower and go to sleep because _fuck my sleeping schedule, I don’t have class tomorrow_ and all those had worked until Chanyeol arrived in their shared room.

 

When Baekhyun was only in an oversized shirt, completely bare under, heading to bed for his well-deserved nap, Chanyeol had entered, checked him out, approached slowly to kiss his cheek and grab his bottom. That’s all Baekhyun needed to let Chanyeol lift him up, deposit him on the bed and spread his legs for him- ready, needy and so very _unashamed_.

 

“No, just… don’t move too hard- I’ll just lie on you.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol whispered, grabbing Baekhyun’s hips to angle himself and move slowly. “I should’ve let you go to sleep but _fuck-_ you were there half-naked.” Hands land on Baekhyun’s ass cheeks, massaging the globes. “So pretty, so tempting. You _know_ the effect you have on me when you put oversized shirts.”

 

Maybe Baekhyun does and maybe Baekhyun did it on purpose knowing exactly when Chanyeol would be back. But that, Chanyeol doesn’t need to know.

 

“Tell me if it’s too much.”

 

The smaller passes out seconds after he feels Chanyeol shoot cum inside him, faintly feeling his own orgasm triggered by the hand Chanyeol has on him and although it feels amazing and he wants nothing more than to cuddle and maybe take a shower- maybe let Chanyeol fuck him against the wall and call him his _pretty little dirty baby_ , let the taller’s cum cover his back and thighs and insides and maybe inside his mouth too. Maybe he could kneel for Chanyeol and let him fuck his face.

 

Or maybe he’d let Chanyeol jerk them off together, lengths wrapped in his huge hand until they both spill. The taller says this is the easiest way of doing it since penetration requires lube and being under the water is problematic and- well, it’s not like it matters all that much to Baekhyun after all. Any sexual contact with Chanyeol makes him hard and willing and so very pliant just for the taller.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t get to ponder over that more as sleep takes over, but he does feel the arms holding his waist and the kiss against his cheek and maybe he’s between consciousness and sleep, but the wet towel Chanyeol uses against his stomach is just as soothing on his tired skin.

  


***

  


“Did you finish the math homework?”

 

“Dude, it’s for next week. Why would I do it now?”

 

Watching between both his friends, Baekhyun momentarily plays with his vegetable soup, spoon diving into the liquid only to let it drop in the bowl again, empty when he pulls it out.

 

“Okay, and? That homework is fucking _long_ , Yixing.” Kyungsoo whines, a little irritated since he usually counts on Yixing for help with that specific subject. “I wanted to ask you questions on a few things and-“

 

“Ask me.” Yixing laughs, stealing a spoonful of the cake Kyungsoo has on his tray. “I can still help.”

 

Baekhyun’s attention starts fading at that moment, his mind drifting to memories of yesterday’s afternoon and evening when Chanyeol had him first seated on his lap taking his dick, then cleaned him off and let him go to sleep to which he woke up hours later, clothed and comfortable.

 

Lying to himself would be not admitting he would’ve loved having Chanyeol share his bed or cuddle him to sleep, but Baekhyun knows the risk of getting caught by either a student or one of the school staff assigned to look after the dormitories. And although they first locked the door not to be interrupted, the afternoon in which they first had sex was a dead time for the entire school. Afternoons are usually either spent in the cafeteria of the first building where classes take place or back at the second building where the dormitories are, in one’s room eating maybe take out food they manage to sneak in despite not being allowed to.

 

People are busy eating and rare are the ones who bother checking what and why is someone’s room locked.

 

But when Baekhyun woke up, afternoon long passed and night starting to welcome after the long day, the majority of students were back at their dormitories and locking the door at _that_ moment would have been an issue as much for not attracting attention than causing the staff to come look after them- who locks his room at night, except the ones having something to _hide_?

 

Chanyeol had pulled him into a kiss a little after his nap, licking into his mouth and grinding his obvious hard on against Baekhyun’s bottom on his lap. _“We could take a shower or just wait until they finish inspection.”_

 

“ _Or you could fuck me in the shower, let us shower and then wait until after inspection to fuck me again.”_

 

And that’s exactly what they did. Baekhyun’s chest against the wet tiles in the shower, bathroom door locked because the shower’s door was transparent and Chanyeol fucked inside him until Baekhyun cried and begged him to stop, overstimulation making the smaller whiny and sensitive, but Chanyeol decided it was still wise to continue inside him until he spilled and filled Baekhyun with cum.

 

Then Chanyeol helped Baekhyun wash himself, using the excuse that he had pounded Baekhyun a little too much over the course of the last 24 hours and when Baekhyun almost slipped, limping and clearly in pain, Chanyeol had taken the matter in his hands, pouring shampoo into his palms and pushing it carefully into Baekhyun’s hair before doing the same with body wash on the smaller’s shower cloth and helping him wash everything down the waist and parts where it was too difficult to reach for in his situation.

 

Perhaps what Baekhyun remembers the most is what followed their little shower sex stunt. Painkillers, kisses and Chanyeol making him lie on his stomach, naked, bottom exposed to massage his globes, moving up to his back carefully because Baekhyun not only limped but had the pain shoot up his spine.

 

And maybe the fact that Chanyeol insisted on kissing Baekhyun’s entrance didn’t help. The way he licked around his abused rim, wetting the area without ever pushing his tongue inside had Baekhyun’s heart jumping around. It must be the fatigue, he reasoned, arms under his pillow, face pushed against the soft material as Chanyeol kissed his skin like it was something worth worshipping.

 

“What’s with you?”

 

Baekhyun jerks, looking up at the voice directed at him.

 

“Why are you playing with your food?” Kyungsoo adds, frowning.

 

“Not hungry- I’m not that hungry.”

 

The problem is, Kyungsoo doesn’t buy it. “Are you feeling sick? You look tired.”

 

“I didn’t exactly sleep well so-“

 

“It’s Park, isn’t it? I can’t believe they roomed you with _Chanyeol_ of _all_ people.”

 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “You and your stupid gangs’ competition. Who the fuck even cares.”

 

“ _I_ do, Kyungsoo. And if you don’t care about the soccer team, might as well take your leave.”

 

Another eye roll from Kyungsoo, a thrown word from Yixing and it all starts again, Baekhyun looks down to his soup.

 

“Why can’t _you_ say something, Baekhyun?” Yixing throws back, expecting an answer.

 

“I’m not in the mood for a fight, in all honesty. I just told you I had a hard time sleeping and you’re still screaming about the _stupid_ fucking soccer team- who the fuck cares if you’re going to fight on every little thing?”

 

Kyungsoo and Yixing stop talking, looking almost shocked, and Baekhyun continues.

 

“And no, it wasn’t Chanyeol’s fault. I think I’m coming down with a cold or some stupid shit, that’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

 

For the sake of his health, or maybe their peace of mind, both friends start arguing and go back to eating, only this time to discuss Yixing’s lack of organisation and why exactly he hasn’t started the damn homework Baekhyun has no idea about.

 

Baekhyun sees Jongin walking by the cafeteria’s doors, eyes looking around. He raises both arms and smiles at him, pointing towards their table.

 

“Hey.” Jongin almost sings, sliding in next to Baekhyun. “What did I miss so far?”

 

“Nothing, just Kyungsoo and Yixing being idiots.”

 

Jongin laughs and asks Baekhyun for more information, dropping his phone on the table and sighing about the long line he still has to wait in if he wants anything to eat.

 

“I still have some cake.” Kyungsoo offers, pushing his plate towards the younger. “Eat something.”

 

Jongin smiles at him and shakes his head, sending the plate back. “This is your favorite cake- you eat it. Besides, I need more than cake.” With that he gets up, grabs his wallet and walks to where the line is.

 

“Why is he so late- dinner’s ending in like, 15 minutes.” Baekhyun whines, watching his friend lose his precious free time waiting in a stupid line. “Seriously, he could’ve just eaten my soup or-“

 

“He had a paper to finish.” Kyungsoo answers, spoon digging in said cake. “Was up all night working on it just so he could submit it on time- which was about 10 minutes ago.”

 

“You stayed up with him?” Yixing asks, leaving his piece of beef on the tray to focus on Kyungsoo. “All night?”

 

“N-No! He told me he stayed up all night when I woke up in the morning- I heard him type all night too.”

 

Baekhyun’s mind drifts again as his soup gets colder and he wonders what Chanyeol could be doing at this moment- if he decided to eat inside or if he went out.

 

“-a faggot. Look at him.”

 

The words make him look up.

 

“Stop using that word. And besides, how do you even know he’s gay?”

 

Yixing scoffs, shaking his head. “Everyone knows he and that dude are fucking.” He points towards another boy, all subtly. “He’s sucking his dick or whatever shit gays do.”

 

Baekhyun’s fists dig in his hands, leaving marks to hurt and remind him later of what happened. “How do you know he’s gay?” He asks, panicking a little. “I mean- is there any sign?”

 

“Dude. Look at him.” Yixing points again to the first guy they were talking about before Baekhyun joined the conversation. “He walks like a woman, dresses like a fucking woman- he wears makeup for fucks’ sake. Makeup and tight jeans whenever he goes out. Flirts with all the guys he sees- I heard he gets it up the ass _every_ single night.”

 

“But they’re just rumors.” Kyungsoo butts in, dropping his spoon. “You don’t know for sure.”

 

“I can tell he’s like… that. And that worries me because I know someone else who’s like that.”

 

Baekhyun’s breath stays stuck in his throat, his nails dig in more into his skin.

 

“Park. I heard he’s a fucking _homo_.”

 

Grabbing his bowl for nothing better to do, Baekhyun tries to drink as much as he can because if his mouth is busy, that means the bowl is blocking his view and he can breathe for a little before he has to react to all of this- think about all of this, answer questions-

 

“I’d be really careful if I were you, Baekhyun. Who knows what he’d try to do to you in the middle of the night?”

  
  
Baekhyun drops the bowl on the table, its remaining content gets spilled mostly on him and on his uniform. The bowl also breaks.

 

“Fuck! Are you okay?” Kyungsoo rushes to his side, touching the soup with a finger. “Was it hot- did you burn yourself?”

 

It’s too much. Everything is too much and if Baekhyun has to hear any of this for another minute, he’ll blow up his cover, lose his friends and get expelled from the boarding school. He can’t afford that but his hands are shaking, breath picking up, heart stupidly beating against his chest.

 

“It’s fine- I’m fine I’ll just-“

 

“Go clean up.” Kyungsoo orders, picking up the broken bowl. “I’ll take care of it so go get changed.”

 

On his way out, Baekhyun sees Jongin coming back to their table in the little five minutes of break they have left, looking towards him and back at Kyungsoo who simply shakes his head. Baekhyun runs out before any of them has the time to catch up with him.

  


***  


 

Throwing his uniform in the dirty laundry basket didn’t make Baekhyun feel any better, neither did taking a shower or trying to eat the mint and chocolate pint of ice cream he’s been saving for a week. Putting his phone on silent did though, so did ignoring everyone else. _So did_ locking the door of his room.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t have skipped both afternoon classes he had, but he already did. And he’s not feeling any better.

 

It’s no secret Yixing has always been a little intolerant but Baekhyun simply didn’t expect it to be directed at him with such force, the fact that Yixing didn’t even _know_ he directed it at him makes it all more powerful. It’s one thing to have a hard time coming to terms with something but when other people remind you that you shouldn’t- Baekhyun hates it all.

  


Baekhyun has a mind to grab his computer and drown into a new TV show, maybe one that will keep him up all night. But then again, Chanyeol would complain about the noise- just where is he? Baekhyun looks at the clock on the wall only to see it’s a little before midnight.

 

“ _Byun!”_

 

Baekhyun looks up, scared.

 

_“It’s Chanyeol- open the door before inspection starts!”_

 

“It’s midnight!” Baekhyun hisses back, letting the taller in. “What were you out doing?”

 

Chanyeol smirks, taking his shirt off. “Why? Scared I’ve been fucking around without you?”

 

They’re just fuck buddies- no, he’s not bothered. “I don’t care- don’t even wanna know, but if I get caught not reporting you for being late then I’ll also-“

 

“Why didn’t you report me, then?” Chanyeol turns on the light on his way to the bathroom, the one right above the dining room’s table and then the bathroom’s. He strips completely and turns around, crossing his arms. “You’ll be punished if you don’t report me, so why didn’t you?”

 

Baekhyun has no answer to give and so the taller nods like he was expecting it and jumps in the shower.

 

“Either you join me or you close the door, Byun.”

 

In no mood to join Chanyeol, Baekhyun, who still has some brains left, does not. How would he, when inspection is to be done soon and they could be found fucking against the wall under the water? Chanyeol may think with his dick but Baekhyun does it with his head. Sometimes.

 

He’s back in time for inspection to go as planned, the same old man to come in and count the amount of people in the room while Baekhyun stands next to his bed.

 

“Where’s the other one?” The man asks, looking up from his papers. “You’re supposed to be two in here.”

 

“He’s in the shower.” Baekhyun offers quickly, trying to think of a reason.

 

“And why is he in the shower at midnight? The rules are the rules.”

 

“I know! It’s just that-“ _Think, Baekhyun. You’re not going to let him get in trouble now._ “He’s been coming down with diarrhea and he just can’t stop _shitting_ \- you know how your butthole burns after you poop and don’t wipe it all completely? Well his butthole started burning because he took too many shits and even though he wiped it _vigorously_ \- it’s still horrible so we thought some hot water-“

 

“Very well then. Tell him not to get in again for the night and to stop by the nurse if it gets worse.”

 

“I’ll do that. Good night, Sir.”

 

The man turns around with a disappointed face, like he’s actually upset Chanyeol has diarrhea and wasn’t able to be there for inspection. Baekhyun scoffs, closing the door behind him.

 

The idea of watching a TV show all night until his eyes burn isn’t appealing anymore, not when Chanyeol’s back. Certainly not when Chanyeol’s right there taking a shower and Baekhyun’s stupid heart beats loudly because he doesn’t know what the taller will do- Baekhyun sometimes thinks Chanyeol is easy to read, predictable, that there’s no way he’d turn out to be someone Baekhyun isn’t sure he knows, but he’s often wrong.

 

They’ve been fucking for a few months now and yet, sometimes Baekhyun can’t read him. He doesn’t know what Chanyeol thinks about when he sees him, doesn’t know what exactly he’s attracted to. To a point, doesn’t understand why he’s after _him_. There are so many much better-looking boys than Baekhyun in the entire school but then again, they share a room and so, for sex, it’s much easier.

 

Why Baekhyun sometimes doesn’t feel like he knows him that well is the fact that Chanyeol can go from one mood to another easily- when he wants Baekhyun under him, he makes it very clear, grabs him and pins him down, rubs against him and whispers dirty words in his ear and it’s all so easy. Chanyeol has absolutely no shame doing it at least once a day if they have time, whether it’s complete intercourse or just jerking off together or on other occasions, Baekhyun on his knees with his mouth full of Chanyeol. But when it has to do with everything else, Baekhyun doesn’t know.

 

Sometimes, Chanyeol asks him if he wants to watch a movie with him. Sometimes he calls and asks if Baekhyun wants anything to eat since he’s out and buying anyways. And sometimes, the weirdest of times, he pulls Baekhyun in for a kiss and nothing else. No sex. Simply lets his hands rest on Baekhyun’s hips while he kisses him softly.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t understand him, nor what he wants.

 

But then again, Baekhyun doesn’t even understand his _own_ self. He isn’t at a point of understanding what he wants- and he doesn’t like thinking about that. About what he’s doing with Chanyeol and what it means because it _means_ something. They’re fuck buddies and that’s pretty much all he has understood from their relationship, or at least, what he wants to understand.

 

Somewhere deep down, Baekhyun knows he cares more than he should. But that, no one needs to know. And he, doesn’t need to acknowledge it.

 

Chanyeol appears in the hallway with a towel hanging low around his waist, dripping wet from the shower. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and doesn’t look at him, instead looks at his computer screen.

 

“I was out saving a kitten stuck in the tree in front of school.” Chanyeol starts, moving to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “Sehun called me to say it belonged to the neighbors- you know that old lady who lives a few streets away? The one with short hair who’s always out watering her dying plants? It’s hers.”

 

Baekhyun hums, still not looking up.

 

“Apparently she had the kitten a week ago and it ran away only to get stuck in the tree. Poor thing.”

 

Still not looking up, Baekhyun decides to actually get up from his bed and go for his desk to arrange his books and pack his bags for the day that’s following. Just because he missed two classes today doesn’t mean he can continue missing them. He knows there’s an amount of classes he can miss before the school calls his father to inform of his absence and he’d prefer avoiding that.

 

Computer charger? Check. Agenda? Check. Pencil case? Not in place.

 

Baekhyun bends down to look under his desk, on the floor and even goes back to his bed in case he’d have left it there without knowing but still, nothing.

 

“Have you seen my pencil case?” He asks, finally looking at Chanyeol. “I can’t find it.”

 

Chanyeol nods, pursing his lips. “I know where it is.”

 

In the beginning, he doesn’t get it. But then Baekhyun does, looking down at what he’s wearing only to notice he’s yet again wearing one of his huge hoodies and that it barely reaches mid-thigh. Baekhyun also knows what happens when he wears this kind of outfit and that is, usually, Chanyeol’s dick up his ass.

 

“Where is it?” He sends back.

 

“Come over here and I’ll let you know.”

 

It’s odd the way his heart beats, feeling so very different from the way it was about to jump out of his chest when Yixing threw around his words and yet, it’s the same intensity. The same symptoms. But just why is one out of fear and one, out of _excitement_?

 

Baekhyun ends up obeying, abandoning the search he put out for his pencil case and walking towards Chanyeol, watching him put his glass of water on the counter and making place for Baekhyun. The smaller walks until he’s barely a few inches away from his face.

 

“So?”

 

Chanyeol grabs him by the hips all of a sudden only to lift him and put him down on said counter. He forces Baekhyun’s legs open and slides in between. “Why are you half-naked, sweetheart?”

 

_Please don’t get hard._

 

“I don’t have the time to-“

 

The taller’s hands move under his shirt to grab his thighs, touch warm and soothing. “Were you trying to get my attention?” Chanyeol softly kisses his cheek and goes down to his neck. “Tell me. What was that?”

 

“Not even- I just felt like wearing one.”

 

“You weren’t in class this afternoon.” Chanyeol adds. “What happened?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Chanyeol retracts and looks at his face. “ _Nothing_?”

  


Baekhyun nods and he knows his eyes are starting to look glassy and if Chanyeol asks _one_ more question he’ll simply cry because Yixing’s words are still in his head and the weight they bear, the meaning- it’s too much for him. But thankfully, Chanyeol doesn’t push it. Instead, his hands go for Baekhyun’s naked hips, pulling him in until they’re flushed to kiss him straight on the lips, softly, nothing more than a push of lips against lips.

 

The mood would have been perfect for sex had Baekhyun not ruined it. Completely perfect.

 

“Your pencil case is on my desk- I took it to borrow a highlighter.”

  


Even with that said, Chanyeol doesn’t let go of him, deciding to keep Baekhyun against his chest while his arms link against the smaller’s back. “What do you want tonight?” He asks sincerely, rubbing Baekhyun’s naked skin.

 

“Nothing- I don’t wanna do anything tonight, I’m sorry. We could have sex but I swear I’m not in the mood anymore and- maybe not anal but just- I can get on my knees if you want-“

 

“ _No_.” Chanyeol squeezes on his hips. “Not like this, Byun. Not sex. What do you want from _me_ tonight?”

 

Cuddles. Baekhyun is craving cuddles and some warmth and proximity. Baekhyun is tired and exhausted and royally fucked and all he wants is some rest. “Sleep in my bed. I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight.”

 

Chanyeol complies silently that night, not commenting on the fact that people could see them sleeping in the same bed. After they both brush their teeth and change into comfortable clothes for the night, Baekhyun climbs in his bed and lies on his back, sighing.

 

“What happened?” Chanyeol repeats a few minutes later, when it’s obvious they both can’t sleep. “Come on, Byun. You suck my dick and let me put it up your ass, you sure can tell me what’s happening in your head.”

 

The problem with talking about things like this- simply discussing even is that it will change Baekhyun’s perception on their relationship. So far, Baekhyun shields himself knowing they’re just using each other for their sexual needs and that, that is how far he can go with a boy. Because it makes sense, at least for someone in his situation. Baekhyun can almost convince himself he’s not gay. He’s totally not. He just had the displeasure of being sent to an all-boys school and the fact that he can barely go out makes it difficult to fuck a girl or even, for that matter, find a _girlfriend_. He can’t build a relationship if he doesn’t have the time to do so.

 

Baekhyun unconditionally refuses to think about the fact that he’s not into girls nor boobs nor vaginas for all that matter. He just figures he hasn’t had chances to _appreciate_ those things. And when he’s horny and stuck with nothing but boys- it all makes sense.

 

He is _not_ gay.

 

“It’s really nothing.”

 

Chanyeol chuckles, turning to look at him. “You never refuse sex, though. If that isn’t an indicator, I don’t know what is.”

 

“I just- I’m not always in the mood for sex.”

 

“You have a point, Byun.” Chanyeol confirms, smiling. “When something’s wrong, you don’t feel like it.”

 

“Why do you even care?”

 

“Because you’re leaving me with blue balls, looking like fucking _sin_ and not letting me touch.”

 

Chuckling, Baekhyun turns on his side to offer the taller his back, laughing because _what else was he thinking?_

 

Chanyeol still cuddles him from behind, one arm over his waist and his neck against Baekhyun’s neck, erection obvious from the way he presses against Baekhyun’s body.

 

“Go see other people then.” Baekhyun whispers, wishing at the same time Chanyeol hears it and does not hear it. “Don’t just leave your blue balls be.”

 

The grip Chanyeol has on Baekhyun tightens. “I’d rather just have you when you want me to.”

 

Curiosity kills Baekhyun and he’d love not to pry like this, but then again, he might as well get his answers. “Do you… have sex with other people? I’m only asking because we- you know- we sometimes go without condoms and because-“ Because Baekhyun _loves_ feeling Chanyeol’s cum fill him up. “Because we prefer it that way and if you are, I need to know just for… that.”

 

“I don’t. Do you?”

 

“I only have sex with… you.” Baekhyun offers, feeling a little shy for absolutely no reason.

 

“Then we’re exclusive for sex.”

 

Baekhyun falls asleep to the sound of Chanyeol’s breathing slowing down behind him, repeating the words in his head because “Chanyeol”, “Baekhyun” and “exclusive” sound really, _really_ good.

  


***

  


The first sound that welcomes his ears in the morning is a knock on the door, followed by an annoyingly loud voice for what seems like too early in the morning. Slowly pushing Chanyeol’s arm away from his waist, Baekhyun grabs his phone to check the time. 6:30 in the morning.

 

_What the fuck._

 

The eighteen-year-old boy gets up from the bed, dragging his feet towards the door, already cursing in his head whoever may be behind the door.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t supposed to wake up for another _hour and a half._ Whoever is waiting for him behind that piece of wood better have an extremely good reason to have knocked or else… Baekhyun doesn’t have enough brain cells at the moment to think of what he’ll have to do to the person, but he knows if he did, it wouldn’t be pretty.

 

Opening the door, Baekhyun finds none other than Junmyeon.

 

“Hello-“

  


“Junmyeon what the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

  


“Good morning to you too, Baekhyun.” He pushes the younger out of the way and steps inside the room. “I’m doing well, thank you for asking. How are my grades, you ask? Perfect as-“

 

“Junmyeon‒ _Junmyeon_.” Baekhyun takes a deep breath. “Have you seen the time?”

 

“Of course I have.” Sitting on Baekhyun’s desk chair, Junmyeon takes a look around at the room only for his lips to tug a little when he sees Chanyeol on Baekhyun’s bed. “The world belongs to those who wake up early, dear. I’m blessing you today with my presence as _well_ as letting you enjoy the early‒“

 

“What do you want?” Baekhyun almost cries, looking back at the comfortable bed and Chanyeol’s warm embrace- he just want to go back there and kick his friend out.

 

Crossing his legs, Junmyeon tilts his head towards Chanyeol. “He’s sleeping in your bed now?”

 

Baekhyun wasn’t expecting this. “He… we switched beds‒ he got here late and drunk? So he took mine and I slept on his.” He should have thought more because Chanyeol’s bed looks untouched. Junmyeon looks over to that exact bed, returns his gaze with a knowing smile but nods nonetheless, not pushing the matter.

 

“I’m organising a little gathering with a few friends and I thought I’d let you know so you can tell your friends.”

 

“Little?”

 

“Hmm. Just a few people. I’ll text you the place and time. Probably Friday after class, though. Bring Yixing, Kyungsoo and Jongin.”

 

Baekhyun nods and walks him back to the door, feeling a little bad because he hasn’t seen Junmyeon in a while, as he should have, when Junmyeon got injured in the school’s latest volleyball match against another school barely three weeks ago. He took two weeks off, got back the last week and Baekhyun didn’t have time to go see him ever since he came back. They should have organised something for his return.

 

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, pouting. “You came back days ago but I haven’t had time to go see you.”

 

Junmyeon shakes his head. “I’ve been busy here and there, too. Catching up on class as well so…”

 

The younger hugs Junmyeon tight, arms linking around him while his head rests against Junmyeon’s chest. “I’m sorry‒ I should have organised that get- together for you and‒“

 

“Baekhyun‒ _Jesus_ , please stop hugging me‒“

 

Baekhyun retracts, looking horrified. “Oh shit! Your injury, right? Fuck, I’m sorry‒“

 

“No, you just stink. Go take a shower for the _love_ of God.”

 

Just for emphasis, Baekhyun makes sure to blow air on Junmyeon’s face, letting him smell his probably _very_ disgusting morning breath, laughing when the older jumps back and runs, giving him his middle finger.

 

Baekhyun truly did miss Junmyeon.

 

***

 

It happens the next day, the thing Baekhyun fears the most.

 

He has been avoiding Yixing for nearly two days, preferring to spend his dinner time in his and Chanyeol’s room, giving Kyungsoo and Jongin as well as Yixing excuses like the fact that he has so much homework to catch up on and that he’s too late on assignments to go out to eat, preferring eating in his room _while_ he studies.

 

They’ve been texting him too to check up on him and Baekhyun has been trying to look distant and drowned in said homework he’s not even late on.

  


It would have been fun if Chanyeol was around for dinner time or even right away after class, but Baekhyun knows Chanyeol spends lots of time with his friends as well. And so he enjoys his company when he can, and that usually happens when Chanyeol arrives looking like everything Baekhyun wants inside him.

 

It’s exactly what happened _this_ morning when math class had to be cancelled due to the teacher having an emergency and not being present to teach. The students were all free to leave for the two hours session and to come back for the next class.

 

Baekhyun happened to have that class along with Kyungsoo and Yixing, and seeing the situation, he quickly left the room before they could look for him or ask any question. Truth is, Baekhyun has no issue seeing Kyungsoo- _Yixing_ is the problem.

 

He sees the message both friends send in their group-chat, teasing Jongin because _he_ still has class while they _don’t_. Baekhyun only sends a message about Junmyeon’s party and send one back to Junmyeon confirming their presence. Then, he goes offline and walks towards the dormitories’ building, wondering what he’ll do in those two free hours.

 

To his biggest shock, Baekhyun finds Chanyeol in the room, wearing nothing but boxers, a toothbrush in his mouth and a towel hanging around his neck. Damn that man and his insanely gorgeous body.

 

“You didn’t go to class?” The smaller asks, frowning.

 

Chanyeol shakes his head and walks towards the bathroom, letting Baekhyun follow behind him and watch him finish brushing his teeth, spitting it all and wiping his mouth with the towel after cleaning everything with water.

 

“I skipped it. Was out with the guys drinking yesterday and I wasn’t in the mood for class with a stupid hangover.”

 

Humming, Baekhyun exits the bathroom, thinking he wants to continue getting ready in peace.

 

“Why are _you_ back, then?” Chanyeol shouts from the bathroom, door closed as Baekhyun can very clearly hear him pee.

 

“Class was cancelled.” Baekhyun yells back as loudly.

 

It’s only after the toilet flush and the sound of water running that the taller exits the bathroom while wiping both hands on the towel that was previously hanging around his neck. “You’re free now, then?”

 

Baekhyun nods.

 

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll be out.”

 

Even while not knowing what he’s on about, Baekhyun accepts and sits on his bed. Looking around the room, he decides he could use those ten minutes to do some cleaning.

 

The first place to clean is his desk; candies’ papers, used tissues, his empty water bottle, a few papers turned into balls, Baekhyun throws everything and brings his bottle over to the kitchen counter. He then decides to arrange his bed. Before Chanyeol gets out, Baekhyun has had time to change the sheets, replace his pillow and his blankets.

 

“Come over.” Chanyeol orders once he’s out. “I’m all showered and fresh. I even shaved for you.”

 

Baekhyun’s heart throbs in his chest. He follows until he’s in front of Chanyeol sitting on the bed.

 

“On your knees.”

 

Swallowing, Baekhyun complies and kneels right in front of where the towel hides the taller man’s privacy.

 

“I was tempted to jerk off in the shower thinking about your lips.” He whispers, opening the towel. “Your pretty little slutty lips, always so good to me.”

 

It’s a special talent Chanyeol has, to have Baekhyun hard and willing for him in just a few words. He doesn’t even need to touch the smaller to have this effect on him, simply does because he’s Chanyeol and Baekhyun holds him dearly in his heart as much as in his ass.

 

Baekhyun opens his mouth and sits back on his legs, waiting until Chanyeol grabs him by the jaw with one hand while leading his length inside Baekhyun’s mouth in the other, slowly pushing in until only the head is inside.

 

“Taste it. Close your eyes and taste me.”

 

He’s itching to touch, to grab Chanyeol’s dick in his hand and put another on his thigh- Baekhyun always itches to touch. But what he prefers is this, being lead by someone else- Chanyeol telling him what to do and using him for his very own pleasure. So he obeys, closing his eyes and letting it sit on his tongue, closing his lips around it just to taste the fresh and clean taste the taller’s dick possesses after a shower.

 

“Good. Now relax your throat because I’m pushing it all inside.”

 

Chanyeol lets go of the hand holding Baekhyun’s face while his other guides his length inside enough before retracting. “Give me your hands.” He orders, taking both Baekhyun’s hands into his, pushing the smaller’s body closer to his while slowly forcing his dick down Baekhyun’s throat. The more Baekhyun has weight on his tongue and the more it becomes hard to breathe and swallow.

 

They’ve done this enough for Chanyeol to know how much to push and when to let Baekhyun breathe before continuing.

 

“You’re so pretty like this. The prettiest with your mouth full.” Chanyeol squeezes both hands in his, thumb going over Baekhyun’s skin in reassuring motions. “I know you can take it, sweetheart. Relax your throat for me.”

 

It’s true he’s doing this to please Chanyeol- on his knees, willing to be used while he doesn’t get touched or pleasured. Or so one would think watching them from the outside. But to Baekhyun, it’s so much more. It’s remembering the way Chanyeol first taught him to give head, it’s Chanyeol’s words affecting him so much he’s hard in his jeans, it’s the fact that he enjoys giving head because it’s Chanyeol.

 

And it’s also true that Baekhyun has never been with another man before, so he can’t really compare Chanyeol to anyone else. But that is not the point here. The actual and only thing that matters is the effect Chanyeol has on him. Baekhyun doesn’t understand it perfectly, doesn’t understand why he wants Chanyeol to fuck him like a whore as much as he wants slow soft sex on days he’s feeling terrible, why he wants cuddles and kisses and why his heart beats so damn fast when Chanyeol appears.

 

Baekhyun had crushes before- all girls, but still. He knows what it’s like to be attracted to someone to a certain extent. But these feelings he has for Chanyeol, this extreme longing and physical need to be touched is unmatched. What confirms it is the fact that Baekhyun wouldn’t want any other man to touch him like this. It’s just… Chanyeol’s effect he concludes.

 

There’s saliva dripping down his chin, a few tears in his eyes and his throat constricting against the not only gifted large but long length. Chanyeol squeezes his hands once on Baekhyun’s in a silent question but Baekhyun nods, assuring him it’s okay to go on.

 

“You cry pretty tears for me, don’t you? For my cock down your throat?”

 

Baekhyun’s dick throbs in his jeans harder and _fuck him_ for ever thinking wearing tight black jeans was going to be okay and pass as any black pants pair he’d have usually worn for his uniform but they were all in the laundry and he didn’t have time to wash them so he had no choice.

 

Chanyeol’s next push makes Baekhyun gag, feeling like he’s going to puke everything he ate the day before until Chanyeol stops pushing.

 

“Your jaw, sweetheart. Unclench.” His hands go for Baekhyun’s jaw, soothingly rubbing circles into both sides until Baekhyun’s unconscious clenching unblocks, letting not only more place for Chanyeol to push in but less pressure on his mouth.

 

“Gonna let me eat your ass after I come down your throat, yeah?”

  


As if on reflex, Baekhyun’s asshole clenches and Chanyeol finally pushes his length completely inside Baekhyun’s mouth. Looking up, he finds himself nose to nose with Chanyeol’s freshly shaved skin.

 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty. So fucking pretty on your knees for me.”

 

Chanyeol lets go of one of Baekhyun’s hands to reach for the smaller’s throat, carefully touching the place his length’s shape appears against Baekhyun’s skin. “Are you holding on?”

 

Baekhyun squeezes back, gaining Chanyeol’s attention for a second only to nod for it to drift back to Baekhyun’ throat. “You’re all swollen up with my dick, baby. Look at you, darling, looking everything like a perfect slut.”

 

In those moments, Chanyeol usually lets him get used to it before fucking his mouth. Lets the heavy weight against his tongue get familiar and the invasion in his throat to become _at least_ bearable. And Baekhyun? He does nothing but _feel_ , there at Chanyeol’s feet, he simply takes what’s given to him. Nothing else exists, just Baekhyun and Chanyeol and pleasure.

 

The one on his knees doesn’t notice something is happening until Chanyeol grabs the towel he’s sitting on to shield Baekhyun’s face and shouts something at someone. That snaps Baekhyun out of it, makes him back away from the length and the towel only to expose his face to the person in the door; Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo stares at him in shock while Chanyeol shouts something Baekhyun doesn’t register.

 

The world spins- Baekhyun gets dizzy at first, then comes the short breath and chest pains. He can’t breathe, can’t feel the air coming in nor getting out and suddenly he can’t breathe, his heart is racing like he’s about to have a heart attack.

 

In a second, both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol surround him on the floor where he realises he had fallen- they’re both talking to him. Baekhyun doesn’t register any of it, only sees Kyungsoo ushered by Chanyeol to close the door.

 

“Baekhyun, look at me.” Kyungsoo kneels in front of him, both hands on his shoulders. “What you are feeling is scary, but it isn’t dangerous. It’ll pass, I promise.”

 

Baekhyun still can’t breathe and as sense of time slowly dawns on him, he realises he’s having a panic attack and it makes him panic even more which worsens the situation.

 

“I’ll count to ten and you’ll try to breathe slowly with me, okay? Slow, Baek.”

 

He can’t- Kyungsoo just walked in on them‒ he knows what Baekhyun was doing, what Baekhyun _is_. He saw it all and there’s no way to deny it now‒ what if he tells Yixing? What if his father learns about it? What if—

 

Chanyeol suddenly appears in his vision a second after Baekhyun sees him talking with Kyungsoo. Instead of holding his shoulders, Chanyeol holds both his hands, kneeling in his towel. “You’re having a panic attack, do you hear me? Try to give me an answer.”

 

Baekhyun just nods and squeezes harder at the hands holding his.

 

“It’s temporary, Baekhyun. I know it’s scary, but it will pass. I know you’re scared but it _will_ pass.”

 

Kyungsoo returns with a glass of water he offers but Baekhyun denies it, squeezing Chanyeol’s hands to death just to control the panic taking over his body.

 

“Do you know the 4-4-4 technique?” Chanyeol asks, trying to make small conversation with him like Baekhyun isn’t _dying_. “Inhale 4 seconds, hold it in 4 seconds and exhale another 4 seconds. Can you try it with me?”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head‒ he can’t even gather his breath together to even try and inhale or exhale. But Kyungsoo kneels back in front of them as well and does it with Chanyeol, repeats it multiple times and as time passes, Baekhyun’s breathing isn’t as labored anymore. So he tries, shaking, but he tries while Chanyeol’s thumbs rub against his hands. He does it shakily until his racing heart slows down and his body progressively stops shaking.

  


He hears both men counting out the seconds for him to inhale, hold his breath and exhale it out.

 

“Baekhyun?” The smaller tries, rubbing his knee. “Hey, how do you feel?”

 

The first thing he does is let go of Chanyeol’s hand, a little shaking but the hurt from squeezing so hard getting back to him. He blinks once, twice and a glass of water comes in his vision. Baekhyun drinks it slowly while Chanyeol holds it above his mouth. Slowly, both men help him stand and from then on, Chanyeol carries him gently to the bed, letting him lie down and backs away to talk with Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun feels exhausted, like someone just hit him with a hammer all over his body. Everything hurts like he just ran a marathon. He hates this, hates the feeling and what comes before and after it‒ and then he remembers Kyungsoo. Remembers what his friend saw and almost starts panicking again.

 

“Kyungsoo!” He tries to yell as hard as he can but his throat is sore from giving head and the lack of air is getting to him. “Kyungsoo—“

 

“Yeah?” The smaller approaches the bed, sitting on it while Chanyeol watches them. Kyungsoo looks back and gives Chanyeol a nod and the taller disappears in the bathroom.

 

“Y-You won’t tell anyone, right? Promise you won’t‒ don’t tell Yixing, please. Kyungsoo—“

 

“I won’t.” He reassures right away, grabbing Baekhyun’s hands. “We’ll talk after but I won’t let anyone know.”

 

“You hate me.” Baekhyun states, getting up and laying his back against the headboard. “You’re disgusted and you‒ you saw. You saw what I was doing.”

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Baek, you’re not in the right mindset to discuss but I promise you I’m not disgusted nor upset. I just—“

 

“You’re going to tell Yixing‒ oh my god, you’re going to tell him everything!” Baekhyun gets up, closing his fists and sensing panic come all over him again. “Everyone’s going to know and then even my dad‒ all school—“

 

“Baekhyun, for fuck’s sake!” Kyungsoo yells back, shocking him. “I’m fucking gay too! Why the fuck would I out you‒ are you insane?”

 

Everything in Baekhyun’s head stops.

  


_Freezes._

  


_Like someone put pause on the remote control._

 

“You’re… what?”

 

His friend passes a hand through his hair, closes his eyes and sighs, opens them back to look at Baekhyun. “I’ve been dating a boy too. Wanna know who?”

 

“You—“

 

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo drops the bomb right as Chanyeol is getting out from the bathroom. “I’ve been with him for two years. I love him‒ we go out on dates and we fuck and we care about each other.”

 

Swallowing, Baekhyun reaches for the bed again and sits down.

 

Kyungsoo is gay.

 

Jongin is gay.

 

_Kyungsoo and Jongin are dating._

 

In love.

 

_Love between two men._

 

A serious relationship.

 

“Are you that shocked?”

 

Baekhyun looks to Chanyeol who’s trying to look like he’s not listening to the conversation, standing by the kitchen counter to drink a glass of water but at the same time glancing here and there at both boys screaming their lungs out.

 

“I just‒ I don’t know. I never thought you‒ or him were… you don’t… look like it.”

  


Laughing, Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Look like it? I don’t have a tag glued to my forehead where I’ve written “gay” in the prettiest font I could find, but yes, I still am.”

 

Kyungsoo is gay.

 

Kyungsoo is dating Jongin.

 

Both his friends have been dating for two years.

 

“I’ll let you rest. You’re going to need some sleep after this.”

 

Baekhyun does need it, as he always does after a panic attack. It simply sucks the energy out of his body, drains him in a way he can’t do anything but lie down and either cry or sleep. And when Kyungsoo leaves, he doesn’t do it without passing by Chanyeol and speaking right in his ear something Baekhyun doesn’t hear from where he is on the bed.

 

His eyes become heavy with sleep, no thought even passing by about the classes he has left for the day. Fuck class and fuck school. He almost just died.

 

Baekhyun falls asleep to that thought.

  


***

  


The first thing Baekhyun wakes up to is a chest glued to his back and a heavy arm crushing his body against the mattress. The person smells familiar, but not exactly who Baekhyun was expecting. Or at least, not who he _hoped_ to wake up to.

 

“Are you up?” Someone whispers “Baek?”

 

Baekhyun turns around to find Jongin, exactly who he was expecting to be the owner of that voice. He smiles. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Checking up on you.” Jongin answers, lifting his arm after Baekhyun whines about it being heavy. “Chanyeol had an exam to attend and he didn’t wanna leave you alone so…”

 

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun avoids the subject successfully. “Is he in class too?”

 

Sitting up, Jongin grabs the phone he left on Baekhyun’s nightstand and nods. “He’s in Chanyeol’s math class. They all have an exam today‒ it’s ending in about an hour.”

 

 _Yixing is also in that class,_ Baekhyun remembers _. Yixing shares that class with Chanyeol too._

 

Has Baekhyun been obvious enough on the fact that he doesn’t want anyone knowing about them? Because if Yixing was to find out from Chanyeol, Baekhyun would be dead meat. But then again, why would Chanyeol even tell Yixing. It’s not like they’re friends- what if Chanyeol talks about it with Kyungsoo‒ no, Kyungsoo wouldn’t be stupid enough to discuss it in public. The only remaining issue would be if Chanyeol talks about it to his other friends.

 

_Is Chanyeol even openly gay?_

 

There’s no point beating around the bush with Jongin‒ they keep no secret from each other. They usually don’t but this… this has been a secret from everyone, no exception included.  Baekhyun can’t even be upset about Kyungsoo and Jongin not telling him because he also didn’t tell them.

 

Maybe Baekhyun could start the conversation with his panic attack. His friends are used to the panic attacks he sometimes gets, although not often, they’ve witnessed it a few times to know how to help. But how to bring in the subject without being too obvious or weird about it‒ how does one do that? _“Hey Jongin, Kyungsoo walked in on me choking on Chanyeol’s dick, I then had a panic attack over it because what if he tells Yixing? Oh and he told me he’s also gay and is dating you. How was your day, friend?”_ Baekhyun doesn’t see how he could make it any less awkward.

 

“I can hear your thoughts, Baek.”

 

Baekhyun looks up, caught in the act.

 

“Are we going to ignore the elephant in the room or are we going to talk about it?” Jongin asks.

 

“Do you _want_ to talk about it?”

 

“You had a panic attack over it, of _course_ I want to understand what the fuck is going on.”

 

Sighing, Baekhyun leaves the bed and goes straight for the fridge, figuring if he had something in his mouth it would be easier to just avoid the topic. Or even think about it before he has to… actually talk. The first thing he grabs is the orange juice bottle and a glass from the cabinet, setting them both on the counter while Jongin watches him.

 

“Baekhyun‒ if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. But I do wanna know why it happened and if you’re okay and—“ He stops, biting his cheek from the inside like he’s wondering if the next words that are going to come out of his mouth _should_ come out. “And what’s happening between you and him.”

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and tries not to get upset over Chanyeol being mentioned. “What about Kyungsoo and you?”

 

“What about Kyungsoo and me?” Jongin shrugs like he doesn’t know.

 

“Well… what are you two?”

  


“Dating. Didn’t Kyungsoo tell you?”

 

Drinking one sip, Baekhyun puts the glass down and doesn’t dare look up. “Is it just to fuck? That you two are… dating? Because you’re horny and you need sex?”

 

“No.” Jongin’s voice gets closer and when Baekhyun looks up, indeed it does because Jongin moved closer to him. “I love him, that’s why we’re together. And he loves me too.”

 

It’s a hard concept for Baekhyun to grasp‒ love between two men. Or maybe it’s a concept he refuses to understand because understanding means acknowledging and he’s not ready to acknowledge many things.

 

“What about you and Chanyeol?” The taller brings back, reminding Baekhyun he still hasn’t answered his question.

 

“We’re fuck friends.”

 

“Friends?”

 

“We just fuck.” Baekhyun sighs, not wanting to get into it. “I’m horny, he’s horny, we’re in the same room so it makes it easier and just… you know, there’s no girl around so I just- with a boy.”

 

Jongin takes a seat on one of the kitchen stools and folds his arms against the counter. “So you’re saying you’re not _really_ into boys.”

 

“Exactly.” Baekhyun is just happy Jongin _understands_. “I’m just doing it because I have needs and going out is complicated and I wouldn’t have time to find a girl to fuck, or even a place to fuck‒ besides, do I even have time to have a girlfriend? I don’t.”

 

“So you have _no_ feelings for him?”

 

“None.” But Jongin doesn’t look convinced. “Really none! I’m just horny and he happens to be available and there!”

 

Humming, Jongin nods and asks the smaller to fill him a glass of orange juice. “So is he good in bed?”

 

“Jongin!”

 

“What!” The younger yells back, shrugging. “I mean we can discuss that if you two have a purely physical relationship now, can’t we?”

 

“He’s good.” Baekhyun mutters, giving him the glass. “He’s good-looking too and his body is truly a killer. He fucks… really good.” Upon realising his words, Baekhyun fears he’s sounding too gay. “But I’m not gay. I can just… appreciate someone’s looks, you know?”

 

The nod Jongin gives him looks _nowhere_ near convinced. “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Kyungsoo, though?” Baekhyun tries changing the subject. “And you’ve been together for two years‒ I had no idea.”

 

“Didn’t know how you’d take it- how you’d react at all.”

 

Jongin doesn’t ask back why Baekhyun didn’t tell him about his relationship with Chanyeol and Baekhyun might be making up ideas in his head, but he has this slight feeling it’s because Jongin already _knows_.

 

They also don’t bring up Yixing. And Baekhyun knows it’s for the best.

  


***

 

 

When Chanyeol returns from his math exam, Baekhyun tries not to bring up the subject because not only is he embarrassed about what happened, but it’s also his fault that Kyungsoo saw them. Baekhyun was sure he had locked the door before kneeling in front of Chanyeol but maybe he didn’t. And that’s why Kyungsoo got in when he shouldn’t have.

 

Baekhyun tries his hardest not to talk with Chanyeol but the taller addresses him as soon as he gets past the door, drops his bag to the floor and makes his way towards the dresser he leaves his pyjamas, socks and underwear in.

 

“Are you feeling any better?” He asks, holding a pair of white socks in a hand while the other looks for underwear.

 

“Yeah. Much better.”

 

It’s getting awkward and Baekhyun hopes Chanyeol can just go and shower and maybe leave him and his racing heart in peace‒ _just go_.

 

“Get in the shower with me?”

 

But Baekhyun is also a fool and he doesn’t dare say he has missed Chanyeol and his entire morning was shit and then he had to skip class because the panic attack drained him of his energy and maybe he just‒ maybe he’s horny. And that’s why he gets up and follows Chanyeol only to frown when Chanyeol kneels in front of the bathtub and the next thing Baekhyun knows, water starts flowing.

 

“I figured you’d be too tired to stand so let’s sit in it together.”

 

Bubbles fill the tub as Chanyeol pours shampoo against the water flow, watching it hit the floor only to turn into bubbles when it makes it back up to the surface. Once he’s sure the water is at a perfect temperature, Chanyeol leaves the bathroom to go grab the rest of the clothes he forgot to take in with him when he got inside.

 

Baekhyun watches him turn off the big light only to turn on the dimmed one, the barely noticeable one.

 

Just why exactly did Baekhyun think it’s a good idea? Because it isn’t‒ it truly isn’t. Chanyeol is going to ask questions and Baekhyun won’t be able to answer and give him in-depth explanations because that would mean deepening their relationship.

 

The only thing he allows Chanyeol is to stuff his ass as deep as he wants, or his throat for that matter. They’re not supposed to talk about feelings and emotions and things that bother Baekhyun. And to make it less awkward, Baekhyun decides to strip while Chanyeol is away because to do it while the taller watches… _no_.

 

So he does, not taking into account that the bathtub has _just_ started getting filled with water and that he’ll either have to stand naked or sit in the very little water and bubbles and that’ll make him look very odd. But then Chanyeol returns with his pyjamas in hand and sees Baekhyun bending over to pick the clothes he left on the floor.

 

Chanyeol lets him do so in peace, doesn’t reach to touch or address him and strips too, throwing his clothes in the dirty laundry basket. Baekhyun lets him do and gets in the tub now filled to half of its capacity, holding onto the edge as to not slip and fall. He sits on one end, back flushed against it as far possible as he can, waiting for Chanyeol to get in.

 

“What are you doing?” The taller chuckles, getting in the water as well. “Wanna stay as far away from me as you can?”

 

“I didn’t know‒ I don’t know how you wanna sit.” Baekhyun answers nervously.

 

“Come sit on my lap. That’s where I want you.”

 

Baekhyun feels his dick throbbing and thinks this is stupid‒ just why is he acting all shy and embarrassed when he got in the water knowing what Chanyeol wanted, and _agreed_ to it?

 

“Come over, sweetheart.”

 

His legs feel weak when he gets up, heart beating loudly against his chest as Chanyeol’s hands reach to take his and guide him carefully on his lap, both arms going to his naked hips and pushing Baekhyun flush until they’re almost chest to chest.

 

“Aren’t you cold like this?” Chanyeol asks. “You’re out of the water.”

 

The smaller assures it’s fine, making Chanyeol laugh at the goosebumps breaking over his skin. “You just want hugs, don’t you?” Before Baekhyun can even deny it, Chanyeol has wrapped his arms around the smaller while his head rests in Baekhyun’s neck. “I won’t let you get cold.”

 

Baekhyun prays to all holy things Chanyeol can’t feel nor hear his heartbeat picking up, hopes he doesn’t talk about it if he notices it at least and as much as Baekhyun would love to stay away from him and not let Chanyeol hold him so close, Baekhyun is insanely cold and Chanyeol provides warmth so… why not?

 

Linking both arms around the taller’s neck, Baekhyun rests his head on Chanyeol’s chest. He doesn’t even care about his bottom rubbing against the taller’s dick, because Chanyeol doesn’t seem to care either. What worries him is his heart beating this loudly and for _what_?

 

Feeling warm water drop against his back, Baekhyun shivers a little before letting go and allowing Chanyeol to heat him up however he wants.

 

“Do you often have panic attacks?”

 

And there Baekhyun thought he could just skip the entire conversation thing and simply let Chanyeol inside him. “No, not often. Just… sometimes.”

 

Chanyeol hums and rubs Baekhyun’s back, gathering water and bubbles in his hands before letting them fall on his skin. “My sister used to have panic attacks a lot when she was younger. She’s doing better now, but it used to be quite serious.”

 

For a lack of knowing how to answer back to this, Baekhyun decides to ask a question. “Is this why you knew how to react to me?”

 

“Hmm.”

 

_Now what?_

 

“I didn’t know you had them. I’ve never seen you have one.”

 

“Because it’s not often that it happens.”

 

“We’ve been together for months now, though and I haven’t seen one ever until today.” Baekhyun feels the question coming and, in all truth, he doesn’t want to answer. “What triggered it?”

 

Should he answer the truth or should he just say he doesn’t know? Because the answer will seem stupid and Chanyeol might wonder why is it that he’s so afraid of being caught having sex with him and then Baekhyun would have to explain about Yixing and about his own feelings‒ which he still doesn’t know _what_ they are.

 

“Was it me?” Chanyeol almost whispers. “Was it the blowjob or what I was saying about your lips‒“

 

“No‒ it had nothing to do with you.”

 

“Baekhyun, if I did anything to upset you, I need to know because I can’t keep putting my hands on you when I don’t know if the next move I’ll do is going to upset and trigger you.”

 

“It’s not you.” Baekhyun says in a hushed tone, detaching himself from Chanyeol’s chest to look at him. “It wasn’t you, what you said‒ it had nothing to do with being on my knees for you or _‒“ Don’t you dare be shy right now_. “It had nothing with what you were doing to me‒ I like what you do to me- what you say to me.”

 

With the water now filling the entire bathtub, Baekhyun turns around slightly to turn it off. “It’s the fact that Kyungsoo came in and saw me‒ I haven’t told them about us and‒“ _Just say you’re not into men and only horny, come on._ “And one of my friends isn’t very… tolerant in this matter so I just panicked.” _You stupid coward, why can’t you say it?_

 

Chanyeol acknowledges him with a nod and grabs his hips to keep him in place. “Is Kyungsoo okay with it?”

 

“He is‒ you must have heard what he said about his relationship I suppose.”

 

Sheepish smile and eyes looking away, Chanyeol sighs. “I didn’t intend on prying‒ I heard him only because he was yelling.”

 

Baekhyun knows that. “I want you not to tell anyone about them… and about us. I can’t have this out and neither can they.”

 

It’s a promise he does to Baekhyun, explaining he also hasn’t said anything to any of his friends yet because he didn’t know what was allowed and what was not allowed with Baekhyun. The smaller also learns that Chanyeol’s friends wouldn’t mind him being with another boy and that he had done it multiple times in the past.

 

When Chanyeol starts helping him wash his hair and rub his back with the shower cloth, Baekhyun doesn’t get it. “Are we here to really just bathe?”

 

“That’s what average people do in a bathtub, yes.” Chanyeol however stops the motion on Baekhyun’s back and looks at his face. “Why? Did you have something else in mind?”

 

“Never mind.” Isn’t that what Baekhyun should be expecting though? Sex, from his _fuck_ friend?

 

“Byun, sweetheart, come on. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

 

“Nothing.” He concludes the conversation and tries to move away from Chanyeol’s lap, both hands gripping the edge as he slowly lifts his bottom. He doesn’t get to move more than a few seconds before Chanyeol catches him back, pushing him down against him. “Where are you going?”

 

“Just moving back to sit comfortably.”

 

“Why? Aren’t you comfortable on—“

 

“I don’t wanna bother you.”

  


With that, Baekhyun carefully gets out of the bathtub and jumps in the shower, turning on the hot water to get rid of the body wash on his skin and the shampoo on his hair quickly before exiting again, just as wet as he was when he got out. Grabbing his towel, Baekhyun wraps it around his body and exits the bathroom barefoot, hair dripping wet.

 

He should have gotten dressed inside or at least let his body dry before going out in the cold room. It isn’t usually cold, but for someone who has been into warm water for this long, it’s pretty _icy_.

 

Baekhyun hears the water run again from the shower this time as he quickly looks for clothes, throws them on his bed and plays with the heating to make the room a little warmer. With that done, he dries his hair with a new towel and quickly passes the larger one around his hips all over his body to be able to put his clothes on before Chanyeol can appear in the room again.

 

Chanyeol isn’t dressed, only has a towel around his hips like Baekhyun did a few minutes ago. He stops and goes for a glass of water, letting the water run a few seconds before filling his glass. “You have to tell me what you want, Byun.” He starts, drinking half the glass before setting it down. “I wish I could read your mind, I _really_ do, but I can’t.”

 

“It was obvious.” Baekhyun mutters, still drying his hair with the towel. “You never tell me about it and yet we have sex almost every day.”

 

“I don’t always tell you with words.” Chanyeol explains. “But I do touch you‒ I grope you, grind against you, rub you. You could have just done something in the water.”

 

Dropping the towel, Baekhyun exhales loudly. “Never mind.”

 

But Chanyeol doesn’t, walks over to him in nothing but his towel and pushes him down the bed, caging him between the mattress and his chest. “You rarely ever initiate anything and that’s fine if you like me doing it, but if you are in the mood and want to, I can’t know if you don’t use words or touch me or something.”

 

Baekhyun tries closing his eyes, and that leads Chanyeol’s mouth against his neck. “I’m not even trying to scold you‒ I just want you to know you’re also allowed as much as me to initiate it and be in the mood and ask me to dick you or whatever it is you want me to.”

 

“I thought I was being obvious.”

 

“Well.” Chanyeol sucks on his pulse point. “I just wanted to check on you and see if you’re doing fine after the panic attack‒ I thought you’d be too tired and not in the mood for sex.”

 

“But I am.” Baekhyun whispers, hands fisting the sheets. “I want to.”

 

“Tell me what you want.”

 

Swallowing, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and wills his heart to calm down. “F-finger me.”

 

Chanyeol hums and continues kissing him, lips reaching his cheek. It leaves goosebumps all over Baekhyun’s skin.

 

“Kiss me while you do it…”

 

“What else?”

 

That’s what Baekhyun wanted in the shower‒ for Chanyeol to jerk them off together, one hand holding both their dicks, moving up and down until they come and dirty his hand and their chests.

 

Baekhyun ends up having exactly that; four of Chanyeol’s fingers shoved inside his ass, Chanyeol’s tongue in his mouth, and then, Chanyeol’s dick getting jerked against his as the taller made him sit in his lap, moaning like he’s in heat, until Baekhyun spilled first and begged Chanyeol to stop because he was getting oversensitive. Chanyeol didn’t, told him to be pretty and stay still for him until he spilled seconds later.

 

Baekhyun slapped Chanyeol’s chest after and Chanyeol smiled fondly, dropping an unexpected kiss on his forehead.

 

The aftermath of an orgasm. That’s all the kiss was.

 

Maybe if Baekhyun keeps repeating it all night long he’ll believe himself.

 

It takes him hours to fall asleep later during the day, replaying the scene in his mind with a stupid blush on his cheek and a heart beating too fast for its own good.

  


***

 

 

The same morning as Junmyeon’s party is supposed to take place, Yixing drops by Baekhyun’s room in the morning right before class. Chanyeol had left earlier in the morning for, what Baekhyun remembers, a workout, or at least, that’s what he recalls Chanyeol telling him while he was between consciousness and the state of sleep.

 

Yixing arrives as Baekhyun is about to get in the shower‒ he’s late, his alarm didn’t go off, or maybe it did and he simply turned it off and Yixing comes in right as he’s packing the bag he forgot to pack the night before, throwing in his books and computer and water bottle, computer charge, a snack‒ what else?

 

Looking at the time, he sees he has to shower in 5 minutes if he doesn’t want to be late for the first class and no, Baekhyun can’t skip his shower because he didn’t take one yesterday after bathing in his and Chanyeol’s cum. He can’t go to school smelling like cum‒ or can he? _Is that first class even important?_

 

That’s exactly when Yixing knocks at his door and makes his way inside, rambling about _how long it has been since they’ve seen each other and how much he missed Baekhyun and how can you do this to your childhood best friend_ , to which Baekhyun lets him in but cuts him off right away.

 

“I have to go shower‒ we can catch up later, Xing.”

 

“I’ll wait for you so we can walk there.” The Chinese boy offers, taking a seat on Baekhyun’s bed.

 

“I might‒ I will be late, actually.” He’s not in the mood to hear Yixing talk without being upset‒ not now.

 

“That’s fine. You won’t get rid of me easily.”

 

Sighing, Baekhyun runs to the bathroom only to realise he forgot to take underwear with him.

 

“Yixing!” He yells, opening the door just enough for his friend to hear. “Can you bring me some underwear? I forgot to take it.”

 

_“Sure! Which drawer is it?”_

 

“The top one, on the left!”

 

Yixing brings it in while Baekhyun is under the water washing away cum stains from last night he was too tired to take care of and although it was early in the night when they were done, Baekhyun felt exhausted already. So he does, washes it and the rest of his body so fast he’d swear it didn’t take more than five minutes. Even drying himself takes more time, he realises, once out of the shower and dressed.

 

Baekhyun runs outside barefoot and notices a smug smile on Yixing’s face and when he looks down, a few condoms that he and Chanyeol use on the nightstand. Baekhyun stops breathing.

 

“So, when were you going to tell me you cheeky little shit?”

 

“T-tell you what?” Baekhyun drops the socks, looking at the door and wondering if he could just run away and leave Yixing be—  
  


“That you have a girlfriend! Is this why you’ve been so busy lately?” Yixing gets up and gives him a hug, then a pat on the back. “You’ve been fucking around, bro! I’m happy for you!”

 

For a lack of answer, Baekhyun just returns his smile awkwardly. “I—“

 

“Baekhyun‒ fuck, finally. I was afraid you’d _never_ get pussy.”

 

He’d love to deny it and say that he’s had girlfriends in the past, but that would prompt Yixing to ask if it’s his first time and who exactly is the girl he’s been fucking and all kinds of things Baekhyun has no time to come up with answers for, has no mind to even be thinking about it.

 

“So, who is it?”

 

Not answering, Baekhyun takes back the condoms and bottle of lube to throw them inside his drawer and bury them under a pile of underwear, hands shaking. “It’s not what you think—“

 

“I didn’t even know you had such a big dick! Look at these condoms’ size! I can’t believe‒“

 

Baekhyun stops listening, puts his socks on and makes it to the door with his bag hanging on one side of his back. “We’re late, can we just go?” He asks shakily, one hand on the door knob ready to open it. “We can’t miss gym class.” And thankfully, Yixing takes the hint and follows after him, putting his shoes on and grabbing his bag from the floor.

 

“You don’t wanna tell me, is that it? I get it, Baek, you’re a little shy.”

 

It’s odd to say, but Baekhyun almost cried when Yixing congratulated him and showed genuine happiness for his friend _finally_ getting laid. It just sucks that Yixing has no idea what half the truth is and that if he ended up figuring it out, he’d hate Baekhyun for the rest of his life.

 

“Can we just not talk about this‒ it’s fucking awkward and I don’t really wanna share my sex life with you.” Making it pass on Yixing’s lack of subtlety works apparently when the latter laughs and calls Baekhyun a pussy but nonetheless stops teasing him, only throws a last _“I’m happy for you”_ before running towards the soccer field in which their usual class takes place after changing into clothes made for sport in the locker room.

 

Kyungsoo gives Baekhyun an odd look from where he stands on the field, next to Jongin, which he returns with a shrug and walks towards the teacher with an apology ready on his lips‒ it’s no use, as Baekhyun can see, for Yixing is already running laps around the field.

 

The teacher hears none of it and tells him to run with Yixing for being late. “The rules are the rules.” The middle-aged man coughs, looking at his clock. “Ten minutes late… that’s ten laps for you, my boy.” He blows the whistle and claps in his hands. “Go, go, _go_!”

 

Taking a very long breath, Baekhyun offers the man one last bow and gets to it, cursing all things going from waking up late to Yixing getting them even later, taking a shower, not having thought of packing his bag the night before- all but Chanyeol and Chanyeol’s cum mixing with his on their torsos. No, not that.

 

And to think he has to go and _play_ on the field once he’s done running‒ fuck this day already.

  


***

 

 

Junmyeon turns out to have truly organised a small gathering and to have kept his promise about only inviting a few friends. Baekhyun discovers that later when he makes his way to Junmyeon’s room as planned‒ one of the biggest on the floor Junmyeon stays in. Not only is it huge and much prettier than all the other ones‒ his parents are rich and pulling their contacts here and there isn’t that hard to offer the best for their son. That, and the fact that Junmyeon owns the room on his _own_.

 

The older had told him not to worry about alcohol and whatnot and that it was okay to arrive empty-handed and that he truly wouldn’t mind, but Baekhyun still didn’t. He made time to pass by Junmyeon’s favorite bakery near school and buy him his all-time most loved chocolate cake.

 

Upon arriving, Baekhyun discovers Kyungsoo, Jongin and Yixing also brought food. But what shocks him is who _else_ is also present.

 

Chanyeol.

  


_Chanyeol and Chanyeol’s friends._

 

Which shouldn’t be shocking, truly not because Junmyeon is friends with Chanyeol but it just seems like Baekhyun’s brain forgot to connect the information together.

 

Both groups stand on a side each and look at each other as if they’re ready for the other to _dare_ say something for said group to jump it. Junmyeon stands in the middle when Baekhyun carefully deposits the cake on Junmyeon’s kitchen counter.

 

It’s obvious Baekhyun’s friends won’t leave knowing Junmyeon is important to Baekhyun, and not only that but they also know him from having seen him with the boy. Chanyeol’s friends, Baekhyun supposes, will do the same.

 

It would be disrespectful and very wrongly placed to leave _just_ because Junmyeon invited people the other group didn’t like. It’s a welcome back party after all- they owe him that at least.

 

And Baekhyun will put up with it and try to have a good time for Junmyeon’s sake because the man means a lot to him. The soccer team and the basketball team have never been fond of one another for reasons Baekhyun believe are tradition. It’s all about who gets to represent their school better, who gets the most funds- they’ve turned it in a competition when they don’t even belong in the same field, but it’s tradition because the seniors who used to lead said basketball and soccer team had issues with each other- still do- and the hate must have spread to the younger ones, although they may not understand it completely, the seniors made it clear for Baekhyun and the team that their sworn enemies are the basketball team. He just wonders how they can put so much energy into hating each other and not enough on the actual opponent- the soccer teams they usually play against.

  


Baekhyun grabs a beer from near where he put the cake down and joins his friends’ side after giving Junmyeon a long hug.

 

To Baekhyun’s amazement, the actual next two hours don’t go as terrible as he thought it would. It all starts with Junmyeon, of course, because both parties are somehow hostile towards each other. None make the first move and they, all, of course, expect the party holder to do anything.

  


So Junmyeon does, puts music on and offers everyone alcohol. And thank god for the alcohol because not only does it uninhibit everyone, but it also helps soothe the awkward vibe lingering around the room.

 

The first ones to approach each other are Jongin and Sehun, using the excuse that they’re both groups’ youngest and so they must stick with each other. Next comes Kyungsoo and Minseok, discussing things a little too far from Baekhyun to hear and so the latter goes to Junmyeon and makes small conversation, small very awkward conversation he’ll have to apologise to later on because he’s being a very monotone friend but it’s not his fault the only ones left are Chanyeol and another shorter man whose name Baekhyun doesn’t know.

 

Yixing follows Baekhyun and keeps teasing him every now and then, reminding him of the scene in the morning with the condoms and lube.

 

“Snap out of it.” Baekhyun hisses when Junmyeon goes to see Chanyeol and a man he learns is called Minseok.

 

“Why are you being a pussy?” Yixing laughs, swirling his beer. “You’re fucking your girl, what’s so wrong about it!” The tone makes Baekhyun’s blood boil and for a reason he doesn’t know, he’s so very close to spill the content of his beer bottle on Yixing’s face. Maybe it’s the alcohol he’s having, letting his barriers down, or maybe he’s really tired of Yixing saying he’s into girls. Maybe both too.

 

“I’m going to see the others.”

 

Yixing grabs his arm, eyebrows raised. “We don’t mix with them‒ you know that.” He assures like it’s a known fact. “What the fuck are you going to tell them?”

 

“Stop being an asshole.” Is the last thing Baekhyun says before he jerks his arm free and walks straight towards Chanyeol, Junmyeon and Minseok, grip so hard around the bottle he’s afraid it’s going to burst.

 

_It’s just Chanyeol‒ just Chanyeol._

 

Junmyeon introduces him to both men and leaves to see Yixing because apparently, _it’s rude to leave someone alone at a party._ Baekhyun learns that Minseok not only is one of the top students in his year, but that he plays about any sport you’d expect: basketball, swimming, badminton, handball, rugby along with soccer‒ which he assures he does only for fun and that his loyalty lies within the school’s basketball team. Chanyeol reveals that he does so because soccer is the only thing he cannot be good at.

 

Finishing his first beer, Baekhyun grabs another one, laughing at the way Minseok _tries_ to defend himself from the accusations Chanyeol has towards him because he would never, _ever_ betray the feeling of loyalty he has for the basketball team he belongs in‒ Chanyeol still laughs at him, saying _it’s not that deep._

 

The best part of the night arrives when Junmyeon gathers them all on the floor in a circle, tons of beer cans and bottles along with vodka and a sangria punch in the middle of said circle.

 

“Let’s just put your stupid competition aside and make amends, okay? There’s no point in you fighting and hating each other because you belong in different sport groups. Let’s play truth or dare!” The party holder decides, pushing a red plastic glass into everyone’s hands. “The fact that you are supposed to hate each other is something the elders in the teams taught you because _they_ did.” Junmyeon sighs, clapping in his hands. “Let’s play until there’s no more alcohol.”

 

“Are you insane?” Chanyeol puts a hand out when Junmyeon’s about to start filling his own glass. “Too much alcohol, Junmyeon‒ we’re going to die like this.”

 

“Don’t be a pussy, Park.”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t need to turn around to recognise that voice‒ it’s Yixing’s.

 

The taller chuckles at Baekhyun’s friend, shaking his head. “Fine, then. You get double portions because _you’re not a pussy_.”

 

Everyone erupts in laughter, starting from Kyungsoo and Jongin and following into Chanyeol’s group as well as Junmyeon.

 

“Give him two glasses, Junmyeon. He’ll take a sip from each one every time he passes his turn.”

 

From then on, Yixing keeps his mouth shut and looks every bit like he regrets having opened it when Junmyeon hands him the second glass.

 

As everyone gets to fill their glass with the alcohol they prefer the most, the game starts. Junmyeon gets dared first, as the bottle spins and stops to point at him, to strip until his underwear, which he does, laughing drunkenly and throwing the clothes on his bed behind.

 

Jongdae gets dared to stay quiet for three rounds‒ they discover very quickly he doesn’t need much alcohol to be quite the talkative type, he’s just a little shy around strangers but as Baekhyun keeps giving him weird dares and stupid questions, he starts yelling back, calling him a midget, forgetting he’s smaller than Baekhyun.

  


They’d make good friends hadn’t they been in this stupid, ridiculous competition.

 

“Truth or dare?” Sehun asks Baekhyun, drinking willingly from his glass because apparently, vodka mixed with beer and sangria _is what tastes the best_.

 

“Don’t-“

 

“Baekhyun, just please-“

 

“Byun, you shouldn’t-“

 

“Dare!”

 

Jongdae, Minseok and Chanyeol sigh in desperation for a reason Baekhyun doesn’t know.

 

“I want a lap dance.” Sehun giggles, spreading his legs and clearly out of it. “Come on, you’re so-“

 

“Disgusting.” Yixing says under his breath, shaking his head. “Baekhyun isn’t into… _your_ kind of things.”

 

The drink starts tasting bitter, or maybe that’s just the blood Baekhyun is feeling in his mouth from biting his tongue.

 

“He has a girlfriend and shit‒ he’s not a _homo_.”

 

“Oh, come on! It’s just for the game!” Junmyeon cheers, having sensed the mood from the way he keeps looking at Baekhyun.

 

“Yixing, how about you focus on _not being a pussy_ and finishing your drinks?” Kyungsoo hisses.

 

In a way, it’s obvious what Baekhyun would have chosen without even taking into account his friend’s comment, he thinks, as he drinks bitterly from his glass. The relationship he has with Chanyeol makes him not even consider going to someone and grinding on his lap just for a dare‒ Baekhyun completely ignores the fact that they’re exclusive _only_ for sex.

 

He can just pretend lap dance is somehow part of it.

 

It’s exactly what makes him pull Chanyeol in a hallway after Junmyeon tells everyone to go to the bathroom or go outside for air, driven by the awkward mood Yixing set after having made the nasty comments he did, to grind against his leg like a wolf in heat.

 

The taller barely has time to lift Baekhyun’s body from the ground and push him into the first room he sees in sight.

 

“Baekhyun-“ Chanyeol tries, letting the smaller down on the floor. “Byun, you’re drunk.”

 

Giggling, Baekhyun grabs the taller’s hips from under his shirt and basks in the warmth that is Chanyeol’s flushed skin. “Fuck me.” He whispers, head dropping against the wall. “Or should I get on my knees for you?”

 

He drops to the floor before Chanyeol can even do anything, hands going for the jeans’ button, frowning because his vision swims. Baekhyun doesn’t want to think about the people outside and he wants Chanyeol‒ his thoughts are simple and easy and he’d really love if Chanyeol would just _let him do_.

 

But the taller doesn’t, instead drops to his knees in front of Baekhyun and grabs his face from the cheeks to make him look into his eyes. “You’re pissed drunk- no one’s getting on his knees for anyone.”

 

“But I want to… I’m not even that drunk.” He slurs, smiling stupidly at Chanyeol. “You always fuck me…”

 

“Not tonight.” Chanyeol stands and pulls Baekhyun up with him only to sit with his legs spread and push the smaller on his lap. “You’ll regret this in the morning.”

 

Baekhyun lies against his chest and attempts to grind his bottom against Chanyeol’s dick. That earns him a squeeze on the hips. “I won’t regret anything‒ I’m telling you to fuck me‒ not like you’re _forcing_ me or some shit.”

 

It’s true that his head is spinning, his thoughts are vague and he feels numbness starting from his fingers, but he needs something tonight. Anything. And he needs it from Chanyeol.

 

“I’ll fuck you all you want when you’re sober and sane. All you get tonight is cuddles.”

 

Baekhyun ponders over addressing the girlfriend issue and Yixing’s comments and only if he had his entire head, he would _not_ , but tonight he doesn’t apparently. “Why aren’t you asking about Yixing said?”

 

“I figured I’m the girlfriend.” Chanyeol rubs his back soothingly, sneaking his hands inside the shirt. “From what he said, I just assumed he doesn’t know about us… or about you.”

 

“Hmm‒ would you have gotten upset had I acted like a whore on Sehun?”

 

Chanyeol muffles his laugh behind his hand. “Do you want the truth?”

 

“I want you to fuck me but we can’t have all things in life‒ so one cold, pressed, two sugars and cream truth, please.”

 

“You’re your own person and I wouldn’t ever try to control you‒ I know it was a game but… yes.” Chanyeol admits, looking at Baekhyun like he’s waiting for a reaction.

 

“W-Why?” His heartbeat speeds up, making his breathing harder. “Because I’m a good fuck? Because you like my ass?”

 

“Because I‒“

 

The door opens, revealing Yixing behind it.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t have time to react or move or even think of an excuse as to why he’s in the same room as Chanyeol and _seated on his lap_.

 

“What the _fuck_ are you doing to him?!”

 

“Yixing-“

 

The Chinese boy pulls Baekhyun away from his arm, pushing the smaller behind him. “A fucking homo and an _abuser_?”

 

“He’s not-“

 

“Shut the fuck up, Baekhyun!” Yixing yells, keeping his arm out to prevent his friend from moving. “You’re drunk and he’s taking advantage of you!”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t hear any of the yelling that takes place from that moment, drops to his knees and tries his hardest to breathe, to will away the panic attack he knows is coming.

 

_In and out._

 

_In and out._

 

_From your nose and then your mouth._

 

It doesn’t work- nothing works and he’s short on breath. His fingers feel numb and once he feels his heartbeat speed up, there will be no way to stop the panic attack from happening. Just knowing he’s having one makes him pant, hands trying to stabilise himself on the floor- anything.

 

Chanyeol appears in his vision, from where, that he doesn’t know, but Yixing is somewhere far away on the floor with a bloody nose, the lights have turned on and everyone has gathered inside the room.

 

“Are you with me?”

 

Baekhyun doesn’t know- he doesn’t know where the fuck he is and if he is, where exactly is that.

 

“Deep breaths with me, okay? Inhale for four seconds, hold it in for another four seconds and exhale for four seconds.”

 

There’s hands in his all of a sudden, counting the time with tiny squeezes while Chanyeol very calmly instructs everyone to go out, except Kyungsoo.

 

“It didn’t- didn’t start yet-“

 

Chanyeol nods at him, not letting go of his hands. “We’ll prevent it from worsening, then.” He assures him, counting the seconds out loud now that he doesn’t have to talk with other people.

 

It goes down faster this time, but he shakes much more. By the end of it, Baekhyun is having cold sweats, can barely hold the glass and lets Chanyeol help him drink.

  


Silly Baekhyun thought it would end here, maybe make his way out and leave. It’s enough that Yixing ruined their night with his stupid comments, that he got caught and had a panic attack in front of everyone. But it isn’t the end of the night, not when Yixing grabs Chanyeol’s arm as they’re passing through the hallway.

 

“Let go of him, Yixing.” Baekhyun can’t even find it in him to sound upset or threatening- he’s drained. The alcohol in his system is making his head throb, the cold sweats have barely gone down and he’s tired, exhausted, completely done with everything.

 

“What the _fuck_ were you doing to him?”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t answer, instead he turns to Baekhyun who’s standing behind him and waits. Only then does the smaller realise everyone is outside hearing them.

 

When Yixing tries to get in between them, Chanyeol pushes him away against the wall and stands his ground in front of Baekhyun.

 

“He was getting fucking _assaulted_ by that homo and no one here is going to say anything about it?!”

 

There’s still no reaction from Chanyeol, no attempt at explaining what they were doing, that it wasn’t assault, that Baekhyun had been trying to get Chanyeol to fuck him and that the latter refused, nothing. It’s the last straw.

 

“I was asking him to fuck me.”

 

_No way in hell he’s going to let anyone think Chanyeol was abusing him._

 

“But do you know what he said?” Baekhyun giggles, gently pushing Chanyeol to the side to step in front of Yixing. “He said I was drunk and that he’d fuck me as much as I want to when I’m sober so I offered to drop on my knees‒“

 

Yixing doesn’t say a word, stares at him in disbelief.

 

“But then he also said no for my offer to shove his dick down my throat. Pretty sad in my opinion, but well.”

 

Once this is done, Baekhyun’s going to throw up for the entire day. Once this is out of the way and he’ll have lost his childhood best friend’s trust, love and respect, he’ll be in his room for the next week.

 

_Just finish with this and get the fuck out of here._

 

Junmyeon steps in and tries to talk Baekhyun out of it, tell him he’s drunk and still not well from the panic attack but Baekhyun thinks if he doesn’t do it now, he’ll never do it. Not only will he never confront Yixing because such opportunities where he feels his blood boil enough to spill everything don’t arise often- even with how much of a dick Yixing is- but there’s not only him to care about. There’s Chanyeol and his reputation- he can’t let anyone think Chanyeol was taking advantage of him, even if that means everyone knowing about his preferences.

 

“I’m _fucking_ gay, Yixing. One of these fucking _homos_ you hate‒ I like dick. I like men. I like _his_ dick all over me.” He points to Chanyeol, giggling. “I like when he touches me, I like kissing him. I like seeing him- hell, I like doing stupid shit like watching movies with him. Hugging and cuddling- I do really fucking _like him_.”

 

For a moment, Baekhyun isn’t as scared of Yixing’s reaction anymore. It’s more Chanyeol’s, the man standing next to him who hasn’t said anything to even defend his name in fear of revealing something Baekhyun doesn’t want to be out. Just for him.

 

“Why don’t you say something, Yixing? Want me to go on?”

 

He has never seen the face Yixing is making. Baekhyun could always read him easily given the amount of years they’ve been friends in, but now, now Baekhyun has no idea who this man is.

 

“I’ve been doing this with him for months- sucking his dick, letting it up my ass, let him _eat_ my ass. Pretty fucking _disgusting_ , right?”

  


Baekhyun has never felt this odd, this unsure. He doesn’t know what to make of Chanyeol and the friends who heard them, doesn’t know how to read Yixing and whether to cry or be happy the latter isn’t answering. It’s like he’s talking to a silent wall- a very long monologue where the audience never reacts, only listens and lets him go.

 

The cat is out of the bag and more than the fear he thought he’d feel, Baekhyun feels sick in his stomach instead. Disgusted with himself. Upset.

 

Moving to the kitchen table, Baekhyun grabs his phone from in between a few finished beer cans and slides it in his back pocket before grabbing his shoes in one hand and opening the door, walking out in nothing but his socks.

 

The door opens behind him to close again, letting familiar footsteps get closer.

 

“Put your shoes on.” Chanyeol tries softly, grabbing him by the arm. “You’re going to get cold.”

 

Shaking his head, Baekhyun keeps walking like this, and tells himself the sooner he’ll be in their room, the sooner he’ll be able to mope and isolate himself for the next week.

 

Chanyeol grabs the shoes from his hand and drops to his knees in front of Baekhyun, untying the shoelaces before tapping one of Baekhyun’s legs with his hand. “I’ll dress you up, then.”

 

Cry. Baekhyun just wants to cry. But he can’t do that now or he’ll look even more stupid than he already does.

 

 _God_ , what was he thinking, making a scene like that in front of everyone? Telling everyone about their sex life’s details?

 

He can be so fucking stupid sometimes.

 

“Lift your leg.”

 

Baekhyun watches him in wonder- what is Chanyeol thinking? What does Chanyeol think of what happened?

 

Does he think Baekhyun is pathetic and leads a very sad life to be letting his best friend shit on him on a daily without ever fighting back?

 

“The other leg.”

 

Holding onto one of Chanyeol’s shoulders for balance, Baekhyun obeys and watches him work like nothing happened. Like Baekhyun isn’t seconds away from crying and sitting on the floor to have maybe, in the worst of cases, another panic attack.

 

“Let’s go.”

  


***

 

 

Baekhyun stares at the holes in his jeans, passing a finger inside to play with the fabric.

 

_I’ll go get you something for the hangover._

 

The taller still isn’t back and Baekhyun doesn’t know just how he’s going to sneak out, buy something, and enter medication the school staff _will_ recognise if they catch him- that’s an issue because if they do, Chanyeol will get sent for detention or will have to wash the windows as a punishment or even worse, clean the room in which they keep all the equipment for gym classes.

 

After dropping his phone on the nightstand, Baekhyun grabs his blankets and pulls them over his body. He cries a little, body too tired to put the energy into tears, and falls asleep.

  


It’s the sound of water running that wakes Baekhyun up and one quick look around the room confirms Chanyeol’s presence; the bag on the kitchen table is familiar- Baekhyun recognises the pharmacy’s name on it, the shoes by the door, the bathroom door left open as Chanyeol sometimes forgets it.

  


Baekhyun decides to get up, feeling all sweaty and disgusting in his clothes‒ he has been wearing them for hours now and he partied all night in them as well as went through the cold sweats in them.

 

He _definitely_ needs to change.

 

With this conviction, Baekhyun drags his feet to the ground and forces himself to stand. The phone left on his night table is a reminder that people will call‒ are calling and leaving messages as Baekhyun can see the screen light up‒ but that’s a problem for another day. He’ll face it sometime later‒ Baekhyun had enough for one night.

 

He makes his way to the bathroom, opens the door, enters and starts stripping.

 

“Byun?”

 

“Yeah.” He stops mid-way through taking his jeans off.

 

“Are you getting in?”

 

Theoretically, showering completely will make him feel a little more human than just changing out of his clothes for clean ones. Maybe he should, maybe the warm water is going to do something good to his skin and his stupid headache‒ and if Chanyeol’s in there, asking if Baekhyun wants to join him, after everything that happened, the smaller assumes it can’t be that bad.

 

So he does, takes off all his clothes and slowly gets in, holding onto the hand that Chanyeol lends him.

 

They spend most of the time under the water in silence, Chanyeol making it his mission to wash Baekhyun’s hair, insisting that he’ll do a great job and massage his tired skull. And true to his words, he does. He truly does but Baekhyun would have liked it for Chanyeol _not_ to drop shampoo in his eyes. The apology that follows the laugh gets accepted, makes Baekhyun laugh and push him away from the water spray to take all the shampoo away.

  


Chanyeol also offers to wash his back and the rest of his body but Baekhyun decided against it‒ Chanyeol isn’t responsible for him after all. If he wants to shower, he should do it on his own. But after a while, the taller seems to have finished‒ which makes sense, seeing as he was in the shower before Baekhyun arrived‒ but he stays there, moves from under the water to leave the entire space for him.

 

“You’re not getting out?”

 

“No.”

  


Baekhyun stops scrubbing his arm with the shower cloth. “And… why is that?”

 

“Because you’re being stubborn refusing all my help and I don’t want you falling asleep in here or falling and breaking, let’s say, your back.”

 

“O-Okay.”

 

So he continues, going from one arm to another to then go down his chest, but he’s aware of Chanyeol’s eyes on him.

 

“It’s rude to stare.”

 

He almost wants to turn around and hide his dick from sight, but that would put his _ass_ on sight and that is _no better_ in any way.

 

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

 

While this is true, it wasn’t seen like… this. It was seen in a context of _let’s fuck please I’m super horny and I want you up my ass_ not _hey I know you had a rough night and I’m staying here just in case you need me._

 

When only his back is left to wash, Baekhyun has to turn around and back away a little from the water to be able to reach it, but even then, he can’t. No matter how hard he twists his arm behind him, it doesn’t work like every day.

 

“Give it, sweetheart. I’ll do it for you.”

 

 _Soft_. That’s the word Baekhyun has been thinking of.

 

This is what has been the character of his interactions with Chanyeol very recently‒ all very soft and perhaps lacking the intense passion they had for sex in the beginning of this relationship. Or maybe it’s still there but the affection has been taking a larger part in the balance and thus making Baekhyun think it changed.

 

Baekhyun doesn’t ever recall truly having any feeling other than lust for the man he discovered was going to be his roommate as he entered the room on Chanyeol naked and fresh out of the shower, looking for clothes in his luggage. Back then, he didn’t want to admit having any kind of attraction for men, but when Chanyeol came in one day to Baekhyun fingering himself on the bed, shyly moaning, pumping his fingers in and out of his body, they both got the confirmation that it’d work between them.

 

Now however, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to do with the way he’s feeling or how to react to Chanyeol’s obvious advances and he _also_ doesn’t know how to interpret these advances.

 

It’s things he wouldn’t expect from a fuck friend, things Chanyeol almost always does. Baekhyun even dares to say he acts like a boyfriend.

 

It isn’t even the fact that he proposes to watch movies together or that he buys Baekhyun food when he’s out and buying some for himself, it’s the fact that he goes an extra mile for Baekhyun‒ that he cares about things he has no obligation to care for as a fuck friend.

 

Going out to buy him medicine in the middle of the night, assisting him through his panic attacks, accepting not to say anything and pass for an abuser if it means keeping Baekhyun’s secret safe‒ he truly owes a lot to that man, but Baekhyun being himself, having no experience in what is a relationship with another man‒ how is it supposed to be. Who gives love to who? Who’s supposed to approach the other when he’s horny and in the mood for sex? Is it weird if he finds a pet name to call Chanyeol by? What about his emotions‒ is it weird to feel deep affection and longing for another _man_?

 

“All done.”

 

_Why am I even thinking about relationships and love?_

 

Only once he’s finished with the shower, dried and dressed does Baekhyun dare make a move first and climb in Chanyeol’s bed, waiting for him to get out of the shower. In his defense, the pillow and the sheets smell really fucking _great_ and Baekhyun could use some comfort tonight.

 

He doesn’t want to think about anything tonight‒ maybe Chanyeol would be down for some sex now that Baekhyun has all his head back, or almost. Or maybe he’d accept to just cuddle him to sleep, no questions needed.

 

When Chanyeol exits, Baekhyun spots the proudest expression he has ever seen on the taller man’s face‒ something in between fondness and smugness.

 

“Do you like my bed this much?”

 

_Did Baekhyun interpret everything wrong?_

 

“I just‒“ _He just what?_ “Never mind‒ sorry about that.” He gets up before Chanyeol has the chance to sit down, only for said man to grab his arm and pull him back.

 

“I didn’t tell you to get up.” Chanyeol whispers softly, sitting down and sliding both hands to link with Baekhyun’s. “I was just teasing you.”

 

Baekhyun stands there, confused and a little sad‒ why was Chanyeol in the mood to tease him?

 

“Did you take the medication?” Chanyeol addresses him again, not letting go of his hands.

 

“I… forgot.”

 

“Go take it then. I’ll be here when you come back.”

 

Is he supposed to go back to Chanyeol’s bed? What does that even mean‒ _since when has their relationship become so complex?_

 

With the tiny pill down his throat, Baekhyun turns off the big light to turn on the one he usually leaves on his night stand, one that is dimmed. And when that is done, he doesn’t know where to go- should he just… climb in Chanyeol’s bed?

 

Baekhyun cannot believe he’s stressing over going into Chanyeol’s bed when he usually has no shame having the man’s dick down his throat- _what exactly is happening to them?_

 

“Do you… are you going to sleep?” He tentatively asks, toying with the blankets on his own bed. “If you are, I can turn off my lamp.”

 

“I’d love to. _Really_. But you’re still not in my bed and I don’t know what it is that you’re doing over there when we both know you should be in mine, so please bring your cute little ass over _here_.”

 

Biting the inside of his cheek not to scream, Baekhyun walks towards Chanyeol’s bed trying to look nonchalant like he did not just stress this tiny matter over and over again in his head. The taller pulls the blankets away and sits up, waiting for him to get in. Again, how is he supposed to act in Chanyeol’s bed if they’re not going to _fuck_?

 

Chanyeol chuckles when he sees Baekhyun lie down on his back, a little too far away from his body- where he should be. But it seems he doesn’t mind Baekhyun’s clueless manners as he lies back down and opens his arms, a blatant invitation.

  


It’s another matter Chanyeol handles as well, pushing Baekhyun closer to his body using his free hand and placing one of Baekhyun’s hands against his chest while the other lies between them. The fact that he’s stiff doesn’t go unnoticed by the taller, who decides to rub his nape with the arm he has under Baekhyun’s head and sneak the other inside his shirt, softly rubbing his waist and then his back.

 

Baekhyun closes his eyes for a lack of places where he can look‒ should he just stare at Chanyeol while he’s doing all the tiny things he does to make Bakehyun’s heart jump out of his chest?

 

“Do you wanna talk?” Chanyeol asks, not mentioning what exactly he means by _that_ ‒ it’s very obvious, but he doesn’t.

 

“About what?” Baekhyun sends back.

 

“Your friend… and what happened.”

 

“I don’t know‒ it’s just the way it is‒ the way he is. It’s always been like that.”

 

Silence. Baekhyun thinks they’re done for the night.

 

“Is this what triggered your panic attacks?” Chanyeol finally replies back, now playing with Baekhyun’s damp hair. “Because there’s a chance he might know?”

 

“Partly.” Baekhyun can’t help but notice Chanyeol smells amazing- alluring but warm. “I never really told anyone about‒“ _What exactly is this?_ “Well, about _this_ ‒ not my friends, nor my family.”

 

“Your parents wouldn’t accept it?”

 

Laughing, Baekhyun nudges the arms around him and sits up, knowing very well he’s going to cry a lot more than he usually would addressing this topic if he’s lying in someone’s arms. “I’m not sure about my father but he’d be disappointed‒ worried. He’d think he failed at raising me and my brother and I don’t… want that for him.”

 

“And your mom?” Chanyeol imitates Baekhyun’s posture and sits up, pushing the blankets over Baekhyun’s raised knees in a possible attempt at keeping the smaller warm‒ Baekhyun isn’t cold, but the arms wrapping around his frame are probably what gave it away.

 

Baekhyun rubs his hands around his folded arms some more, trying to create heat. “She’s not here anymore… she passed away when I was five years old.”

 

Immediately there’s a hand over his, squeezing. “My father’s going to think he failed and Chanyeol- he can’t think that. He’s been trying to fill in my mom’s place his best- he sent me here thinking a strict school will keep me _in line_ after her death. I can’t disappoint him.”

 

“You aren’t disappointing anyone.”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head, swallowing back his tears. “I know him. He’ll think he couldn’t compensate for her absence, thus his terrible education made me like _this_.”

 

“Made you like _what_?” Chanyeol retracts his hand and opts to move his body closer until it’s flushed against Baekhyun’s. “What’s wrong with you or with what you like?”

 

“It’s not- it’s not what he’s expecting. He probably wants me to get married and have kids and a wife and a job and he wants to brag about me to his friends and be proud- where do I fit in that scenario when I like _dick_?” Baekhyun wishes that was even all. “Baekbeom left to study abroad a few years ago and my dad didn’t take it well.”

 

“You still can’t live _just_ to please him, Byun.” Moving his arm behind Baekhyun’s back, Chanyeol angles the smaller’s head on his shoulder. “He’d want what makes you happy. Not what you’re going to force yourself into to fit the mold.”

 

“Yixing hates me now.” Baekhyun changes the subject, feeling the tears coming back. “He’s disgusted and angry probably.”

 

The night ends with Baekhyun falling asleep in Chanyeol’s lap, against his chest, crying his heart out while Chanyeol holds him through it, kisses his cheeks, closed eyes and his forehead once he stops crying and stares at him for moments Baekhyun lets him- hopes he’s going to say something.

 

But Chanyeol doesn’t, instead his eyes go to Baekhyun’s lips and follow up to his eyes in a silent question. It’s Baekhyun who closes the distance between their mouths.

 

It doesn’t taste anything like what they usually do. It doesn’t taste of passion and rush and racing heartbeats. It tastes like familiarity, warmth and security.

 

And they continue kissing even after Chanyeol pulls them down to lie comfortably. They continue kissing even when Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun in his arms, even when Baekhyun straddles his hips and lies down on his chest.

 

They continue kissing until they fall asleep.

  


***

  


Over the course of the weekend, Kyungsoo and Jongin drop by to leave Baekhyun notes from the classes he missed. They try their best to take him out of the room but to no avail.

 

Baekhyun misses Monday and Tuesday like that, and by the time Wednesday comes by, Chanyeol’s friends drop by as well, Minseok and Jongdae, to check on him. Baekhyun appreciates the gesture and assures them everything is fine- they’re not close enough yet for him to be able to open up about what happened and tell them everything.

 

What confuses Baekhyun is the way Chanyeol is around him these days. He doesn’t know if the taller is sending him mixed signals or if Baekhyun simply sucks at understanding said signals. It’s not clear if he likes him or if he doesn’t, if it’s purely out of pity or keeping Baekhyun around to benefit from all the sex they’re having- he simply doesn’t get it.

 

And what’s worse is what he’s feeling; guilt and disgust. Every time he remembers Yixing’s face- every time he remembers how happy Yixing was for him when he thought Baekhyun had a _girlfriend_ , it puts him in a terrible mood that does nothing but keep him in bed all day, ignoring the fact that if he misses any more days of class, his father will be notified and does he want to put up with even more than what he already has on his plate? No. He clearly does _not_.

 

One would think a friend’s opinion is important, but not to that extent. However, to Baekhyun, Yixing means the world to him, as odd as this may sound. Yixing not only was there when Baekhyun’s mother lost her life in a car accident, but he had been there even before that. According to their parents’ memories, the pair met at three years old and started being friends at that age and although friendship at that age tends to be superficial and only meant for the purposes of having someone to play with, they grew up this way. _Together_.

 

Yixing was there at Baekhyun’s mom’s funeral, accompanied by his family, wearing all black at the age of five years old, holding Baekhyun’s tiny hand for a lack of knowing what to do, while Baekhyun sobbed in front of his mother’s picture. He had been a child but so had been Yixing who did his best to comfort him that day.

 

To this day, Baekhyun remembers the promise Yixing told him that day.

 

_No matter what, Yixing will always be here for Baekhyunnie!_

 

And what hurts him the most is that Yixing _kept_ that promise through the years. He kept it when Baekhyun, his father and his brother moved out of the house they previously owned to go to another neighborhood after the funeral- Yixing still asked his parents to go see Baekhyun, even though they now lived farther. Yixing kept his promise at ten years old when Baekhyun asked him if he could start coming to his school because he was lonely and bored.

 

Yixing was constant and stable in Baekhyun’s life, and when they became a little older and Baekhyun figured it’s time for him to do something for Yixing in return, he decided to follow Yixing in the school his parents chose for him, and this is exactly where they ended up at thirteen years old, five years ago, in front of the gates of the school they now attend.

 

Baekhyun did have other friends in school, but they never compared with Yixing. And perhaps it’s because he was younger and not as mature, but no one truly ever did come close to the importance he gave to his childhood friend.

 

There’s no denying that Yixing might be a little influenced by his religious family’s beliefs concerning homosexuality, but it still saddens Baekhyun to think not only is he against it, but he acts according to his beliefs and hurts other people- including Baekhyun.

 

Questioning his sexuality is a matter that appeared a few months before he met Chanyeol- or rather, before he was forced to room with Chanyeol according to the school’s aleatory system, but Yixing’s comments started much before that and although he can’t remember exactly when, Baekhyun knows it must have been at least a year before he questioned his preferences.

 

Yixing was never vocal about it until a specific moment and thinking about it now, Baekhyun wonders why he didn’t thought of it before- it’s odd, but what can it bring him?

 

By Thursday, Junmyeon stops texting him and decides to call and Baekhyun, feeling miserable and like the most terrible friend on the planet, decides to answer.

  


_“I have an emergency, Baek. I’m sorry, I can’t ask anyone but you.”_

 

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks back, a little alert now that his friend’s voice truly sound like he’s going through something. “What happened- did you get hurt?”

 

_“I can’t tell you on the phone. Let’s just meet up.”_

 

For Junmyeon, Baekhyun is ready to step outside so he quickly gets up, gets dressed, grabs his phone and wallet and goes straight to the library like Junmyeon told him to.

 

He runs there, not questioning why exactly Junmyeon would ask him to meet at the _library_ for an emergency, walks once he’s inside because the lady at the front counter reminds him very politely no one is allowed to run in the library- as if running puts the books in _danger_.

 

_Go sit in the back rows. I’ll be there soon._

 

Putting his phone back in his pocket after apologising for the noise the text caused to the few people around him, Baekhyun does as he’s told and sits on the floor, knowing he won’t be disturbed by anyone telling him that _sitting on the floor is forbidden_ because they’re too far away from anyone to see, and the shelves full of books hide away everything.

 

They used to come here, Junmyeon and him, when they first became friends. If there’s anything Baekhyun associates Junmyeon with, it’s the library and back rows.

 

Back when Baekhyun started his first year of high school, things didn’t go as smoothly as he would have wanted them to with Yixing; they didn’t have the same schedule, nor did they share classes and worst of all, they weren’t roomed together. With Yixing away most of the time, Baekhyun didn’t have anyone to spend his time with and often ended up in the library.

 

That’s where he met Junmyeon, who was at the time a year older than him, and very much lonely as well.

 

Junmyeon was shy and even a little weird in the beginning- he didn’t do anything but read books, a little pile always ready next to him, sitting in the same spot every day, a few meters away from the table Baekhyun was sitting on. It’s only later, and through Yixing, that Baekhyun learned this was _Kim Junmyeon_ , one of the richest boys in school, known to be an absolute genius who had no one to spend time with.

 

People didn’t approach him much because of his shy demeanor, and it looked like he didn’t want any friends anyways, always so busy with his books.

 

Baekhyun decided one day to go to him, sit in the row opposite to his, grab a random book from behind him and pretend to read. He did it every day until Junmyeon first asked him _What are you doing?_

 

Being lonely is what made him approach the boy, knowing what it felt like not to have anyone around made him think he should befriend him- after all, lonely people often aren’t lonely by choice.

 

After a while, Junmyeon started talking to him.

 

And Baekhyun found himself not only a companion, but a friend he has kept through the years. He now knows of Junmyeon’s struggles, of the way his family name is what’s most important to his parents, that he has to always look good, that he must make his parents proud, that he must always be perfect- no questioning, only obeying.

 

Junmyeon might have a lot of money, but he doesn’t look remotely happy about the way his parents try to control his life- _guide_ as they say.

 

“Hey.”

 

Baekhyun looks up, waving at him. Junmyeon sits down, putting his bag on his lap with one hand while the other opens it, taking out a bottle of Baekhyun’s favorite honey tea brand and handing it over to him.

 

“You had time to buy tea when you have an _emergency_?”

 

“You are _so_ dense- I cannot believe this.”

 

Opening the bottle, Baekhyun shrugs at him. “I know insulting me makes you feel good about yourself, but we’re here to talk about the issue you have.” He takes a sip, wiping the few drops that fall from his mouth with the back of his sleeve, laughing at Junmyeon’s disgusted face. “What is it?”

 

Junmyeon sighs, crossing his legs. “You. You are the problem, Baekhyun. You’re stupid and I don’t know why we’re still friends.”

 

“It’s because you love my morning breath.” He teases. “For real now, I’m worried so _what_ exactly happened-“

 

“Go talk with Yixing.”

 

Baekhyun puts his bottle down, swallowing.

 

“Go talk with him and clear things out. And with Chanyeol… what is it that you two have?”

 

“So you had no emergency.” Baekhyun deadpans.

 

“Well, yes, _you_. You’re a mess, Baek, and no one’s getting you out of that _goddamn_ room so I had to lie to you.”

 

“Junmyeon-“

 

“No, _you_ listen to me, Baekhyun. Go see Yixing, settle things with him. Either you stay friends or you push him out of your life. And Chanyeol! Just date him already!”

 

_Why is he not commenting on the fact that Baekhyun is into men?_

 

“You’re not… shocked?”

 

“About?”

 

“Well… you know.” Baekhyun grabs his bottle again and sips from it, hands shaking a little. “About what I do with Chanyeol.”

 

Junmyeon chuckles, nudging Baekhyun with his foot. “That you two fuck? You’re eighteen years old, I’m sure you can make you own decisions, you dumbass.” It doesn’t even come out rude coming from Junmyeon.

 

“You don’t think it’s _weird_? That it’s with… Chanyeol? And not… a _girl_?”

 

Junmyeon opens his bag again, only to take out cookies this time. “Well, are you into girls?”

 

“I don’t think so.” _Not at all._ “No- I’m not.”

 

“Well don’t go out with girls if you’re not into them. What’s _weird_ would be you going out with girls if you’re _not_ into girls. And if Yixing is the reason you’re holding back, _fuck_ him. You don’t need people like that in your life- but that’s why I’m saying go talk to him and finish with everything already.”

  


***

 

 

By Friday, he has no choice but to go to class, if he doesn’t want his father to be notified of his absence recently. And by the time he’s back, Baekhyun decides to shower first and watch a TV show on his computer, trying not to think of what Junmyeon said.

 

It’s easier to ignore the issue than to face it.

 

The episode is barely starting, the opening still playing when Baekhyun hears a knock on the door. It can’t be Chanyeol because he’s staying late working out at the school’s gym. Maybe Junmyeon? Or Kyungsoo? Or maybe Jongin? They have been texting him all day after all.

 

But nothing prepares him for Yixing standing behind the door, fist ready to knock on it again when Baekhyun finally opens it.

 

_Fuck._

 

Baekhyun should have thought of what to do in a situation like this one- how long haven’t they seen each other? _A week already?_

 

“Why are you here?” Is the only thing Baekhyun finds to say, starting to feel his hands sweating and his breathing picking up.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Baekhyun pushes the door open and lets him inside, closing it softly behind them as he stands awkwardly against it. Yixing takes a seat on his desk chair.

 

“I’m sorry. I was an asshole and you have absolutely no good reason to forgive me- and if you don’t, I’ll understand. But I need you to at least hear why… I am the way I am. You don’t have to understand it- you just need to know about it.”

 

While this isn’t what he was expecting, Baekhyun doesn’t even know what he would have expected, for Yixing to show up and _punch him in the face?_

 

“Okay.” Keeping his back against the door, Baekhyun crosses his arms and waits patiently- nervously- for whatever it is.

 

“I thought about this a lot.” Yixing chuckles nervously, rubbing his hands on his knees. “ _Should I tell him or should I not?_ I thought about it like this for the past week- but I know now it’s been affecting you- I’ve been affecting you and I-“ _Is he rubbing his eyes?_

 

“I was- still am the worst possible friend. I’ve been doing this- didn’t even notice you were struggling and I added to it.”

 

_Just where is he going with this explanation?_

 

“Three years ago, do you remember that time I went missing for two weeks?”

 

Baekhyun blinks- of course he does. Yixing disappeared all of a sudden after the ski trip and Baekhyun didn’t hear of him until two weeks later when he came back to school, only telling Baekhyun he caught a nasty cold and had to go back home. Baekhyun tried asking him more about it- why did he cut off all contact, but Yixing never answered, saying he was just tired.

 

To this day, Baekhyun doesn’t know.

 

“Do you remember Muyeol?” Yixing asks, looking at his hands.

 

The name does ring a bell. “The senior who used to always hang out with you- wasn’t he in the soccer team?”

 

“Yeah, him.”

 

“What- what does this have to do with you being an asshole?” Baekhyun finally lets out.

 

“We were… fucking.”

 

Baekhyun walks towards Yixing until he’s barely a meter away. “You were _what_?”

 

_That can’t be- no._

 

“I loved him, but he was only after my ass. And when I started implying that I did have feelings for him, he dumped me. _You think I’d have feelings for a little gay boy?_ That’s what I last remember of him.”

 

Baekhyun drops to his knees in front of his friend, but Yixing shakes his head. “I’m not saying this so you forgive me. I’m saying this for you to understand that it’s okay- there’s nothing wrong with you.”

 

_Just how is Yixing into men?_

 

“Then why- why act like you did?”

 

Yixing smiles sadly, reaching to grab Baekhyun’s hands and pull him up in a standing position. “I didn’t wanna be the _stupid little gay boy_ I was- the weak boy I was. And knowing my family was against it, I thought, that must be it. No one wants someone like this- I just preferred identifying with the bully rather than the bullied party. It’s stupid, I know and I’m _so_ sorry, Baekhyun- I failed you when you needed me the most.”

 

“Come here, you idiot.”

 

Wrapping his arms around the seated boy, Baekhyun lets him cry on his shoulder while he rubs his back and tries to take it all in, link the dots and make sense of what was just said.

 

Yixing did harm him without knowing- hurt Jongin and Kyungsoo in the process without knowing as well, but what Baekhyun retains is the fact that all along, maybe Yixing is the one who has been in the most pain out of them all.

  


“I’m sorry I was an asshole- I’m so sorry.”

  


Baekhyun can’t find it in him to still be upset. “I’m sorry too, Xing. I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

  


“No- I fucked up- it’s all my fault and you didn’t have to hear my stupid shit just because I was traumatised over it-“

  


“Yixing.” This truly isn’t what he ever expected to hear. “I’m not going to lie and say you didn’t affect me at all- I’ve been with you almost all my life and your opinion matters the most to me. It affected me a shit lot and you owe apologies to… some other people too.” _Kyungsoo and Jongin_.

  


“I will.” Yixing completes the hug, wiping his tears on Baekhyun’s shirt.

  


“You’ve done a lot of shit but I can’t stay upset at you- it wasn’t out of real hatred and- Yixing, you’re still that little boy. Not stupid as he told you, but scared and unsure- and I know because _I_ have been like this for a long time.”

  


Once Yixing is out of Baekhyun’s arms, tears wiped and glass of water in one hand while Baekhyun looks looks through the kitchen cabinet for a muffin, Yixing takes a seat on one of the stools. “Chanyeol… he seems like a nice guy.”

  


“You think so?”

  


“Well.” Yixing starts, taking the muffin from Baekhyun’s hands. “He punched me in the face and pushed me against the wall to get to you when you started having a panic attack- he also ordered Kyungsoo to kick me out of the room. He seems like he cares a _shit lot_ about you.”

  


So this is why Yixing had a nosebleed back then. “I can’t believe you’re giving me advice on boys.”

  


Yixing throws him a piece of his muffin and pouts- he’s forgiven, but Baekhyun still isn’t used to it.

  


“I told you how we just fuck- but I don’t even know if he likes likes me- and besides, I fucked this all up and I keep not knowing how to act with him and what to say and I just- Yixing, he deserves better. He deserves someone who knows how to get his shit together and someone who can stop being insecure and not just his fuck buddy-“

  


“Have you asked him?” Yixing interrupts, setting his glass down. “You’ve never told him about anything related to feelings, no? All you do is fuck.”

  


“What if he doesn’t like me like this?”

  


“It’ll be his loss, Baek. But I seriously think he’s into you, just waiting for you to show him a sign. He showed you he cared quite a lot.”

  


_Why does everything have to be so complicated?_

  


“And if he’s not into you, that Sehun dude who wanted you on his lap might work out as your new fuck buddy- he looks good to be very honest.”

  


Baekhyun shakes his head, expression dejected. “I don’t want Sehun.”

  


Linking his hands together, Yixing gives Baekhyun a look that makes him guess what he’s going to say next.

  


“Very well then, who do you want?”

  


The sheepish smile on Baekhyun’s face serves enough as an answer.

  


“That’s what I thought, go talk to him.”

  


Baekhyun still wants to address what Yixing hasn’t talked about enough yet, at least with him, as someone he loves and cares for. “Xing?”

  


How to offer comfort for someone who has gone through what Yixing did, at such a young age?

  


“Yeah?” Yixing doesn’t seem to be sensing the mood, quietly eating his muffin.

  


“You’ll meet new people.”

  


That makes Yixing look up in the middle of a bite.

  


“You’ll meet good people. New men- they’re not all the same. You’re still worthy and you’re allowed to meet new people and to be happy and to find love and no homo, but _I love you bro._ ”

  


The first crack in Yixing’s composure is his smile; he puts his muffin down. “I’m not sure about that.”

  


“Well, I am! I’ll sign you up on a dating app so you can meet as many men as you want and fuck around and have fun!”

  


With lots of teasing, a few promises here and there to buy Yixing more muffins, and many more ridiculous things Baekhyun comes up with in the moment, Yixing allows Baekhyun to make an account under his name on what Baekhyun calls the best dating app.

  


“Top or bottom?” Baekhyun asks casually, waiting for an answer like he did for all the questions before.

  


“What?”

  


“Do you top or do you bottom?”

  


“Why are you asking me this-“

  


“It’s for the app- they’re asking about it!”

  


“Oh my god, that’s none of your business!” Yixing takes the phone away, face flushed, avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze while the latter runs after him in the room, trying to cage Yixing against a corner and tickle the answer out of him.

  


“Come on! You went around asking me about the condoms and lube I keep in my drawer, you _fucker_!”

  


Yixing stops running and turns around, smile reaching his ears- Baekhyun just knows he’s up to no good. “So those were… _Chanyeol’s_ condoms? He’s the one with the _big_ dick?”

  


The teasing is going to start again- Baekhyun should have just kept his mouth shut. “Yixing-“

  


“And you get it up your ass every day now, don’t you?”

  


“Let’s not discuss these things-“

  


“You have three seconds to run before I literally annoy the fuck out of you for the _rest_ of your life.”

  


They spend the afternoon teasing each other.

  


***

  


Once Yixing is out of the door with one last good luck, Baekhyun tries to prepare himself for Chanyeol’s return.

  


Baekhyun is going to tell him tonight- he talked enough with Yixing about it and he feels ready to address the subject. Chanyeol just has to get home and-

 

The lock in the door turns, opening said door in its way as Chanyeol walks inside, all sweaty from head to toe with a towel around his neck and a bottle in his hand.

 

_Right away- just right away._

 

“Can I talk with you?”

 

Chanyeol hasn’t even had time to take his shoes off nor to say hi, his earphones are still in his ears- maybe Baekhyun should’ve waited until at least the man takes them out. Baekhyun repeats his question once Chanyeol notices his attempt to speak.

 

“Sure. Can it wait until I shower?”

 

It can, it sure can and he lets him get under the water and take his time, come out fresh and looking like a puppy with his wet curled hair. “Did you go to class today?” Chanyeol starts, head thrown back to dry his hair. “Or is it about talking to Yixing or… your dad?”

 

That’s where Baekhyun realises he has been ignoring Chanyeol and their relationship too much- Chanyeol knows all about him while Baekhyun doesn’t know much of his life outside their room.

 

_Will that hinder a possible opportunity at a relationship?_

 

He knows about Chanyeol’s friends, his sister. He knows Chanyeol loves saving cats stuck in trees and working out. He also knows of Chanyeol’s shit taste in movies- which he still watches with him because Baekhyun values their time together, and he knows of how Chanyeol is in bed. But there’s still much more he’d love to know about.

 

“It’s none of that. I want to talk about… us. You and me.”

  


The hands working the towel in Chanyeol’s hair stop their motion, letting the taller’s eyes come into sight. “Go ahead?”

 

_You got this, Baekhyun._

 

“I’ve been trying to practice this over and over again before you arrived- like a scenario in my head and I know it’s silly but- I just don’t know how to beat around the bush because I’ll probably get you lost and you won’t understand what I’m saying and that’s not my goal and-“

 

“Byun.” Chanyeol chuckles, dropping the towel on his bed. “Don’t beat around the bush, then. As simple as that, just tell me straight up what it is.”

 

“Okay- yeah, okay. So I was thinking about us and… you know, everything? And I- how do you say _I kinda really like you but I fucked up everything since I was too scared of acknowledging my attraction and it’s not just for your dick but you as a person and you make my heart beat but I don’t know if I make yours beat too and I hope I do because if I don’t then_ -“

 

The next thing Baekhyun knows, Chanyeol has hands around his waist and his mouth against his, pressing him closer against his body, licking his lips, trying to open them apart to lick inside.

 

_Was that his answer?_

 

“Is that… how you say it subtly?” Baekhyun asks, a little short on breath and a lot happy.

 

Chanyeol rubs his hips, hands slipping inside. “No, that’s my answer to what you said.”

 

“A kiss?”

 

“Well… how do you reply _I really like you too and I’ve been waiting for you to give me a sign ever since God knows when because you sure make mine beat too?_ ” Chanyeol answers sheepishly, smile reaching his ears.

 

Relief. Deep and intense relief fills Baekhyun’s senses- Chanyeol _likes_ him.

 

“But I have a lot of flaws, Chanyeol. I don’t know how a serious relationship works; I don’t know how to act around you- I’m scared I’m going to fuck it all up- you’re the first man I’ve ever been with and I really like you. I just… don’t know how things work between two men.”

 

“It’s easy, I’ll teach you.” One hand comes to cup his cheek. “It’s no different from any other kind of relationship; we love, we fuck, we share experience and a life. And I’d like for us to be exclusive, just you and me.”

 

“You’ll be patient with me?”

 

“I will.” Chanyeol assures, rubbing his cheek.

 

“And you’ll answer my dumb questions about what I think we should and should not be?”

 

“I will too.”

 

Baekhyun looks up and realises, this is it. This is the perfect moment and he needs to bring this up. “We don’t know everything about each other and… I’m scared it won’t work out because of that.”

 

“We can get to know each other officially- sex excluded- and see if we’re suitable for a serious relationship. How about that?”

 

“I’d love to.”

  


Detaching himself from Baekhyun, Chanyeol grabs his towel and starts drying his hair. “Get dressed then.”

  


Baekhyun is still in pyjamas and it’s way too late to leave the school- that is, if they don’t get caught. “Why?”

  


“Let’s go on a date! Get to know each other and all- let’s do that.”

  


“But we’re gonna get caught!”

  


Chanyeol laughs in Baekhyun’s face, already changing out of his clothes. “You innocent, _innocent_ child. How do you think I’ve been sneaking out all this time?”

  


“I don’t know!” He always did wonder how, but no one ever gave him an actual answer.

  


“I’ll show you how.”

  


***

  


_[6 months later]_

  


“Competition between the soccer and the basketball team finally over as both leaders, Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol, put an end to the feud with dating news! The pair have been happily together for officially two months, but some sources say they’ve been intimate for much longer. While we may not know exactly what-“

  


“Sehun, can you, like, _shut it_?”

  


The taller looks at Baekhyun from the other end of Junmyeon’s room, splayed all over the couch. “Oh, come on, now! It’s all over the school’s website- look at this!”

  


Baekhyun sighs in exasperation- if it’s known by everyone and on the school’s website, that means not only the students but the teachers and every single person who manage said school know too. He’ll _never_ get Chanyeol as a roommate ever again.

  


“How did they even know?”

  


Putting the Ipad on the low table, Sehun stretches his long limbs and stands, shaking his head at Baekhyun. “You’ve been rubbing it in everyone’s face that you’re amazing and in love- all you ever do is go on dates and cuddle like happy motherfuckers.”

  


“Sehun, language.” Junmyeon yells from the bathroom, head peeking through the door. “Why are you on my couch?”

  


“This beautiful piece of art.” Sehun points to his body. “Needs rest. I must take care of myself, with a body like mine, a temple-“

  


“Shut up and go pack.” Baekhyun stops him, a hand over his hips. “We’re leaving in an hour, you idiot. Everyone’s almost done and you’re here just- what the fuck are you doing here?”

  


“Entertaining you?”

  


Baekhyun shakes his head.

  


“Keeping you company?” Sehun tries again, approaching him, eyebrows raised. “Or maybe I’m trying to seduce you-“

  


“I’ll count to three.” Baekhyun sighs. “If you’re not out of my sight and packing, we’re leaving you behind.”

  


“So bossy- are you this bossy like this in bed with Chanyeol too?” Sehun fakes a gasp, hand over his mouth. “Or do you like submitting? Play his little whore-“

  


Baekhyun leaves the room after effectively throwing a pillow right in Sehun’s face and walks towards his and Chanyeol’s room, hoping that at least his _boyfriend_ has more brains than Sehun.

  


Thankfully for Chanyeol, Baekhyun finds him packing, luggage spread on his bed while his closet and dresser are wide open; some clothes lie on the floor, some in his hands and a few around his neck.

  


He looks endearing in his Hawaiian shirt and black shorts, his natural curls showing now that he let his hair grow a little after Baekhyun suggested it so he could play with it and pass his hands through it on nights they cuddle- almost all of them- and Chanyeol lets Baekhyun be the big spoon, on nights Chanyeol lies his head on Baekhyun’s chest and lets the smaller play his magic until he falls asleep.

  


“Hello, handsome.” Baekhyun tries his most seductive voice, hugging Chanyeol from behind. “What are you so _fine_ for?”

  


“Are you that happy about my hair?”

  


“Yes, I am. What are you gonna do about it?”

  


“Cut it?”

  


“Chanyeol!”

  


The taller detaches himself from Baekhyun only to turn around and hug his small boyfriend, dropping a kiss on his forehead. “So, is Sehun packing or are we leaving him behind?”

  


“I think he is- I _sure_ hope he is.”

  


They’ve been planning this trip to the beach for about the entirety of the end of the semester; Junmyeon suggested they all go together after Yixing stepped forward and apologised, telling everyone what happened and why he was acting the way he was. Not in as many details as he did with Baekhyun later on when Baekhyun asked more questions and tried talking it out with him, a few days after Yixing first told him.

  


Junmyeon thought it’d be a good idea to take everyone out after the end of semester exams and so he suggested it back then, a few days after Kyungsoo and Jongin came out as a couple as well.

  


“Minseok and Jongdae are in the car already, Kyungsoo and Jongin are almost done packing, Junmyeon is in his room- where’s Yixing?”

  


Chanyeol drops another kiss against his cheek and shrugs. “I saw him this morning in the gym and he said he was almost done packing, but I haven’t seen him after that. He’s probably packing too, though.”

  


_Would now be the time to tell Chanyeol?_

  


It should be. Chanyeol always says they need to be able to communicate and talk about everything- as much the good things than the bad things. And he taught Baekhyun how to, even when it makes him nervous.

 

“I talked with my dad yesterday.”

 

That catches the taller’s attention who immediately nods. They’ve already gone to visit Chanyeol’s parents and sister and not only was Baekhyun welcomed warmly, but they all promised they preferred Baekhyun to their own Chanyeol, saying things that made Baekhyun blush and bow for. He promised he’d go back as fast as he could with his boyfriend.

 

That was a week ago.

 

“And he said the first Monday after the trip would be great to meet you.”

 

“And how do you feel about that?”

 

His father wasn’t expecting the phone call at ungodly hours of the night, one where Baekhyun had been too scared to call sober and decided to drink a little. It resulted in a chaotic phone call, Baekhyun crying like he never did, apologising for not turning out how his father would have liked him to be- all he remembers is crying a little too much, falling asleep and waking up later to a knock on his door- _it had been his father._

 

That night, his father had come over just because he got worried over their conversation on the phone, but not because of its content, simply because of Baekhyun’s distress.

 

So the old man took him out carefully without waking up his roommate sleeping in the other bed next to him and drove them to the nearest park, stopping by a convenience store to buy ice cream for a reason Baekhyun didn’t comprehend at the time.

 

Baekhyun followed his father and sat in one of the swings, ice cream cup in one hand, spoon in the other.

 

_“Does he make you happy?”_

 

The little sleep he got and the shock from his father showing up was enough to make him sober up. _“He does.”_

 

_“Does he treat you well?”_

 

_“He does too, dad. He’s the best.”_

 

_“Then I’m happy for you. Now eat your ice cream and stop crying.”_

 

Baekhyun laughed through his tears and ate a few spoons before wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. _“Are you not disappointed?”_

 

_“Disappointed? When you’re happy and healthy?”_

 

_“But I’m not what you expected me to be.”_

 

His father sighed and shook his head. “ _After your mom’s death, I learned that nothing matters more than happiness, Baekhyun-ah. Maybe before, I’d have made a scene, but now, now I can’t. I tried my hardest raising you to turn out right- to be happy. What makes you happy, I want it for you, no matter what it is.”_

 

Baekhyun ended up hugging his father, crying harder against his shirt while the older simply rubbed his back and told him it was okay. That everything would be okay but that he’d love to meet said man and that Baekbeom would _not_ leave Baekhyun alone if he doesn’t get to meet him as well.

 

“I’m happy about that. I think my brother will also be home so you can meet him too.”

 

Chanyeol drops his hands from Baekhyun, rubbing his own face instead. “You want me meeting your father _and_ your brother? At the same time? You really want me going in there and fighting until they accept me, don’t you?”

 

“Maybe I do.” Baekhyun singsongs, reaching for his lover. “Do you know what I want right now?”

 

The man should know- he’s used to the tone Baekhyun uses when he’s in the mood for sex. And to think a few months ago he was too scared to even ask to get cuddled. “I want you to fuck me. Hard and _really_ good.”

 

“Yeah?” Chanyeol moves his hand down Baekhyun’s chest, rubbing his length. “Right now?”

 

“We’re going to be gone with these idiots for two weeks- do you think we’ll be able to fuck in peace?”

 

“You sure have a point, Byun.”

  


***

  


“Fuck! Fuck, _harder_ \- fuck my ass, yes, yes, _yes_!”

 

True to his promise, Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun’s pants down and sits him on his lap, pulling his own dick out of his pants. They have no time for fingering, but Baekhyun assures him he can just slide it in with tons of lube. And he does, forces it inside Baekhyun while the smaller clutches his shoulders for dear life, regretting not having prepared his ass but nonetheless, not letting Chanyeol pull out.

 

“You’re so fucking tight- all mine. My sweet, _sweet_ ass.” Chanyeol spanks one of his ass cheeks, pushing in and out of him a little slower now that they’re nearing their climax- why is he making it last? Baekhyun just wants to come all over himself.

 

“Look at me.” Chanyeol orders, stabilising Baekhyun by his hips. “Listen to me.” He sounds out of breath and yet, his grip on Baekhyun’s hips is so tight there’s no way Baekhyun would even be able to move.

 

Suddenly, the door opens and lets someone in. Baekhyun turns his head quickly.

 

“Yixing- what the _fuck_!” Baekhyun screams, letting Chanyeol cover him with the blankets lying around them. “You can’t just barge in like that!”

 

“Sorry, sorry!” Yixing yells, hiding his eyes behind a hand. “God, I didn’t wanna enter on you doing _this_ \- I just needed something from here and thought you were out already!”

 

“What is it that you need?!” Baekhyun hisses- he can’t believe this.

 

_Why does it feel like a déjà vu?_

 

“Condoms.” Yixing answers, hurrying to Baekhyun’s top drawer. “I didn’t see nor hear anything, pinky promise.”

 

Chanyeol chuckles, squeezing Baekhyun’s hips. “I kinda have my dick in your friend… can you not have an open conversation right now?”

 

The Chinese boy disappears with a few condoms in one hand before Baekhyun can even ask what they’re for. He turns around to his boyfriend. “Why does he need condoms?”

  


“Don’t tell me you don’t know.”

 

_Why would Yixing need condoms?_

 

“Would I be asking if I don’t know- oh _fuck_ \- wait, wait a second. Yeol- fuck you feel so good!” Baekhyun starts moaning again, hands back on Chanyeol’s shoulders and head thrown back, pretty tears forming in his eyes from the way Chanyeol keeps hitting his prostate.

 

“He’s fucking Junmyeon.” Chanyeol lets out, stopping his thrusts.

 

“WHAT?!”

 

“Junmyeon and Yixing… don’t tell me you didn’t hear?”

 

Another thrust. Baekhyun slaps Chanyeol’s chest and tells him to stop for a second- either he fucks him or he talks, but not both at the same time- he can’t be taking his boyfriend’s dick up his ass while talking about Yixing and condoms.

 

“It’s on the school website, sweetheart. Hasn’t Sehun been reading it to you with a dramatic voice this morning?”

 

_Sehun, you little shit. I should’ve let you finish your speech this morning._

 

“I- we didn’t get to that part.” Baekhyun mutters, shocked. “I can’t believe this- I can’t fucking believe this! Are they together, together? Officially?”

 

Chanyeol nods his head and leans to nip at Baekhyun’s collarbones and only when Chanyeol starts moving inside him again, eager and ready- and Baekhyun doesn’t blame him; they’ve been interrupted enough and Chanyeol’s so hard inside him he believes it’s painful, but he needs to tell him this.

 

He can’t keep it a secret anymore. He doesn’t _want_ to. What he does want is for Chanyeol to know. Baekhyun is sure of it now.

 

“I love you.”

 

The first thing Baekhyun notices is Chanyeol throbbing inside him and he laughs, squeezing his lover’s shoulders. “Did that make you throb inside me?”

 

Chanyeol’s hands drop to Baekhyun’s thighs and _squeeze_ possessively, one hand wraps around his hard dick and tugs. “Say that again.”

 

“I love you.” Baekhyun tilts his head. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realise it but I’m so _fucking_ in love with you, Chanyeol.”

 

Immediately, there’s a mouth against his and the hand around his length starts moving again while Chanyeol’s dick moves in and out of him. “I’ve been waiting to hear this from you- fucking hell, Byun. I’ve been waiting.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I wanted to say it first.” Chanyeol bites his neck, creating a hickey. “But I didn’t want to rush you into it or make you think you had to tell me first- but fucking _hell_ do I love you- adore the fuck out of you.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes fill with tears when Chanyeol moves against his lips and licks inside his mouth, still jerking off Baekhyun. “Fuck yourself on me, sweetheart. Fuck your ass open on me while I play with your dick.”

 

The first one to come is Chanyeol and he does inside Baekhyun, ruining their pants with his cum slipping out of the smaller and onto Baekhyun’s pants while Baekhyun’s cum stains Chanyeol’s shirt. Had it not been cum, it’d have been sweat- _why do they sweat so much every time Chanyeol’s inside Baekhyun?_

 

They keep repeating the words, a little high from the orgasm, stupid smiles painted over their faces and kisses exchanged while they sit in their cum, not caring about their mess.

 

 _“These horny motherfuckers- see what I told you!”_ Comes Sehun’s voice from the outside. _“Look at Baekhyun telling me to hurry and pack while he’s stuffing himself with Chanyeol’s dick!”_

 

 _“You have ten minutes to shower and come out or we’re leaving without you!”_ Is what Sehun says at last before walking away.

 

But Baekhyun and Chanyeol don’t care- _can’t_ care.

 

They have each other.

 

They love each other.

 

And that’s the only thing that matters.

 

_THE END_

 


End file.
